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When she rounded the corner and disappeared, I picked up the plates and took them over to the sink. I ran them under the hot water and turned Taylor’s words around in my head. After I was done with the dishes, I dried my hands on a rag and picked up my phone.
I started at Bernard’s number for the longest time.
Then I took a shower, and Ron and I changed into our pajamas.
Hours later, I was still sitting up in bed, unable to bring myself to call him.
Every time I thought of telling him the truth, fear settled in the pit of my stomach, and sweat formed on the back of my neck. Eventually, I set my phone down, switched off the light, and pulled the covers up to my chin.
Bernard was in all of my dreams.
Chapter 12: Eyes wide open
Bernard
I threw the covers off and wandered into the kitchen. There, I rummaged around, using the pale light of the moon until I found a glass. After filling it up with water, I leaned against the counter and looked out at the balcony overlooking the Hollywood sign.
Only I couldn’t stop seeing Rachel’s face.
I saw her panic and confusion when I confronted her about her son.
Had I pushed her too hard?
Was there a better way I could’ve handled it?
I couldn’t tell for sure.
All I knew was that I’d spent the past few hours tossing and turning while sleep eluded me. After our lunch, I had made my way back to the office and attended a litany of meetings followed by a steady barrage of phone calls. By the end of it all, I’d been exhausted but relieved.
It had left me with very little time to stare at my phone.
But Rachel hadn’t left my thoughts, nor had the little boy with the familiar eyes.
With a slight shake of my head, I finished the rest of my water and stared at the clock on the wall, frustrated to find that it was three in the morning. Outside, the city slept while a fierce wind howled outside my window. I traced the phone in the pocket of my robe and made my way back into the bedroom. When I flicked the night lamp on, it cast long shadows across the walls and gave the room a soft, eerie glow.
I exhaled and crawled onto the bed.
After placing both hands behind my back, I stared up at the ceiling and tried to ignore the pounding in the back of my head. After five years of wondering and questioning the truth, I couldn’t deny the relief I felt at Rachel’s admission. Knowing that she hadn’t ignored me made me feel a little better.
I hadn’t imagined the connection between us that night.
But I still had no way of knowing it was enough.
Showing up at her doorstep had been a calculated risk, but it had been necessary. Having spent two days wondering and pacing around my office and my home, I’d known that going to Rachel’s had been the only option left. While she’d been reluctant to join me for lunch, I knew I’d eventually wear her down.
Thankfully, I’d been right.
But I had no idea what my next move was or how to coax her into telling me the truth about her son.
Our son.
Just the thought of him filled me with a strange sense of awe and wonder.
Half of me wanted to rush back over there and demand to see him. The other half of me knew that I needed to approach this carefully, giving Rachel plenty of time and space to come to me on her own. Considering the little steps we’d taken already, I had a feeling she was going to get there.
Even if it did take a while.
I tried to push away all thoughts of her and flipped onto my side. For a while, I stared at the wall and waited for sleep to come. When it finally did, the world outside had turned a muted shade of grey, and birds were beginning to sing and call out to each other. My eyelids grew heavy, and I breathed a deep sigh.
