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“And now I’m making a sacrifice—”
“I love you, but it’s not enough.”
Why did I have to fall for a woman so innately incompatible? I could have any woman in the fucking world, but she had to be the one I wanted. I forced my voice to be calm, and I restrained my anger. “Laura, my parents dumped me in an orphanage. Then a couple years later, they started their family. Not once did they come to find me.”
“I know, Bartholomew. And I’m so sorry about that.”
“I don’t know how to be in a family. I don’t know how to be a father. How could I ever know when I didn’t have a father of my own? How could I know when I never had the chance to be a regular kid? And you think I’m gonna be father of the year?”
“I can teach you these things.”
“I probably won’t want them, just the way my father didn’t want me.”
“That’s not true—”
“They never came back for me. It’s like I never happened. Abandoned me in that fucking orphanage while they lived just five blocks away. If that’s not hate, I don’t know what is. Sometimes I still think about killing them…”
Her eyes softened. “I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t want your goddamn pity. I just want you to understand how deeply I hate kids.”
“You don’t hate them.”
“Yes, I do—”
“You’re scared of them. There’s a difference.”
“Laura, if having kids is that important to you, more important than the love we have for each other, then I’m the absolute worst choice. You should forget about me and find a man who wants what you want instead of forcing me to be something I’m not.”
“I know you can do it—”
“It’s a twenty-year commitment. It’s not going to university for four years then having a great job. It’s twenty fucking years. By the time they move out, we’ll be old. Too old to live our lives.”
“But we’ll be living our liveswiththem. The best years of our lives.”
“The answer is no.”
“Then what will you be doing with your time? We can’t travel the world all the time for twenty years. That’ll get old. We’ll want different things as we age, and having a family is something you’ll appreciate—”
“I said no.”
Her arms tightened over her chest as her eyes watered. She took a deep breath and blinked, fighting the tears that sprang to the surface.
We were back to the same ending. All roads led us here.
If I hadn’t walked into that goddamn shop that afternoon, none of this would have happened.
I wouldn’t have loved another woman and lost her.
“Then this is goodbye…”
Again. “Yeah.”
“Take care of yourself, Bartholomew.”
There were other things I wanted to say, but that would just make it harder on both of us. “I hope you find everything you’re looking for…”
26
