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The worst thing about there being three of us is the fact that when two agree against the third, they gang the fuck up on them. It’s great when I’m one of the two, but in times like this, it pisses me off.
“Because that’s not how we work, how we’ve ever worked, and it’s almost cute that you think that’s how it’s going to go down now.” Malik grumbles, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration as I attempt and fail to buck Talon off of me.
“You deserved me. Then and now.”
Fuck. It’s like she’s taunting me, even when I’m trying my hardest to keep her at the back of my mind.
“Just because she’s told you some shit that—”
“Fuck off, Alexi.” Talon’s voice booms, interrupting me as he tightens his hold on my arms, making me grunt in response as I glare at him. “I saw her necklace,” he adds, making my mouth go dry as I realize she kept it on.
“Everyone saw her necklace. She didn’t stop playing with it the entire fucking night.” Malik’s words only make my chest twist with a mixture of emotions, but once again, instead of embracing them, I lash out even harder.
Pushing Talon off me, I rush to my feet, the pair of them standing to square off with me as I sigh. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
Talon shakes his head in disbelief, like he still can’t believe after all this time I’m still so fucking stupid, but here we are. “I also fucking heard you listening last night when we got home. Harmonia didn’t, but the second she muttered what she came to your house to say the day after we left, I heard your fucking footsteps before your bedroom door slammed shut.”
I look down at the mats, avoiding both of their gazes as I attempt and fail to find a reasonable explanation for any of that. I’d been drawn to her voice before running away like a child at the sound of deep feelings and truths that have been hanging between the four of us all this time.
Malik sighs, but I can’t manage to lift my gaze to his, not wanting to face whatever it is he has to say. “You can play this down all you like, Alexi, but you were the one that changed the deal with Nyx. You are the one who wanted her here, even if it was a subconscious decision, it was still you.” His words make my heart gallop as my hands clench at my sides. “It might have felt like you were making some real cool decision to punish her or something, but it doesn’t seem like she’s the one being punished now. It’s you, and you’re doing it to yourself.”
My eyes fall closed in an attempt to avoid his words, but it’s useless. He speaks the truth. He always fucking does. I just hate feeling this raw and affected.
Shaking my head, I tilt my face up to the ceiling as my humorless laugh breaks past my lips. “Look at the life we live now, Malik. Look at the loss we see and create every day. We either expose her to death every single day or be the cause of hers, and I don’t think I can take it.”
There. I fucking said it.
Finally dropping my gaze to theirs, I expect to see smiles of triumph, but instead I’m greeted with looks of understanding and I don’t know whether I hate it more or less than the alternative.
“What is all of this for, if not her?” Talon’s soft words penetrate my skin, searing my heart as he tilts his head at me.
I’ve watched the three of them transform before my very eyes in the smallest amount of time. It’s like the last six years apart didn’t happen the way they’re growing together, connecting, sharing. Do I want to be a part of that? Am I ready? Fuck, will she even forgive me? There’s a lot at play here, and the reality of the situation is that I’m not entirely in control. I can force her to be here, I can force her to never leave, but I can’t force her feelings and forgiveness.
The fight within me is gone. My brothers have brought me to my fucking knees and stripped my feelings bare. They’re the best and the worst all at once.
“You deserved me. Then and now.”
Settling my gaze on Malik, I take a deep breath and ask him the question that’s been burning my soul ever since I saw the two of them in bed together. “What’s it like? Having your soul sealed to hers?”
Talon’s gaze whips to Malik’s too, likely just as eager to know, while the man in question looks between the two of us as we try to find the words to explain what we’ve all been so desperate for.
“It feels like the truest form of fucking magic I’ve ever felt.”
His words burn my chest as my spine stiffens and I stand tall. I want that. The look in his eyes, the awe in his voice, and the smile that ghosts his lips. We all have tainted lives, some from our pasts, others from now, but if there’s anything I’m willing to accept for myself right now, it’s the fact that Harmonia is always there to shine light on everything. And that’s when I know what’s holding me back more than anything.
With her presence, her lightness, and her kindness, I can’t wallow in the darkness that I’ve succumbed to. I can’t see myself as a villain and a monster and nothing else. She wouldn’t allow it.
So why do I?
