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My body automatically knew what to do. Duck, take cover, and fire my weapon at the nearest threat. But my brain wasn’t where it was supposed to be and cost us seconds we didn’t have to spare.
I had to fight not to run after Nissa. Montgomery would cover her. Interpol would cover her. My job was to go after Igno. I knew that. I hurried and followed where Saff and King had gone, and both were on the balcony of the other room. King was fighting one of the guards. Saff was up and over on the balcony, falling.
Christ.
When I ran to the edge, she was already down and chasing Igno’s men, but the crowd had already filled the courtyard with too many panicked people milling around for her to be successful nabbing the bastard. In mere seconds, we'd lost him again.
30
Westin
That had been a shit show. Bloody hell. I’d hesitated for just one minute and my team had paid the price. We’d lost Igno.
Not to mention Nissa had almost been caught in the crossfire. Jesus Christ, Igno was playing to win.
But why blow up his own meeting?
Was there another player on the board? That didn’t make sense though. From what we’d heard from Nissa’s bug, everything was fine… until it wasn’t. But so far none of us knew why.
I pinched the bridge of my nose as I watched Nissa pace back and forth in the loft’s living room. She hadn't been able to settle since we'd come back.
Obviously. She almost got blown up tonight.
My stomach cramped at the thought. I hadn't been in the room with her. I'd been trying to fight my way in and save my team. A team she didn't even know I had. The weight of the secrets I was keeping from her were weighing me down. And all I wanted to do was hold her.
“We could have died tonight, Westin.”
“I know, I know. But you're okay. We made it out. Julian's okay, too.”
She turned on me. “I don’t care about him.”
I leaned against the door and gave her a tight smile. “Sure, you do. First of all, it's in your nature. Second of all, even though the two of you fight like cats and dogs, there's still a part of you that wishes he'd been the father you needed. There's a part of you that wanted to care about him. That wanted him to be everything he should have been. That part of you won't wish ill on him. That part of you loves him.”
“He kept my sister from me. I hate him for that.”
I shrugged. “Both things can be true. And you're relieved.”
“I'm not. He belongs in jail.”
My beautiful Nissa. Still hiding from all of her emotions. Burying them so deep that I was the only one who could excavate them. “You want him in jail, not dead. At your core, you believe he can change. You believe that you could be the one to change him. While you’ve been fighting him all this time that I've been back, you've been fighting him for your freedom. You've been fighting for him to see you as you are. You haven't been fighting him for greed or revenge or hate. You've been fighting him because you want to love him. You want him to be worthy of it. And even though he's not, you love him anyway.”
She whirled on me, her bottom lip quivering. “Shut up.”
Slowly I pushed away from the door, walking toward her. “The Nissa I know loves deeply. Once the roots take hold, that's it. The Nissa I know, despite anger or the need for vengeance or justice, doesn't wish death on anyone.”
A tear ran down her cheek, and she swiped it away. “It would be easier if I could control how I felt. I don't want to feel like this. Out of control, like my life isn't my own. Why can't I just make my feelings do what I want them to do?”
When I reached her, I took her face in both my hands. “We're not talking about Julian anymore, are we?”
She shook her head, the tears flowing freely now. “I couldn't turn off how I felt about you. And seeing you on the ground tonight. I just—” She tried to shake herself loose from my hold, but I dropped my forehead to hers and forced her to keep looking at me. To speak the truth. “I was afraid I’d lose you forever.”
I held her tight, wishing I could take away the pain, wishing that there was something I could say to make any of it remotely better. "I've got you. I'm going to hold you for as long as you need, okay?"
She nodded, lifting her head from my shoulder to glance up at me. "I know what I need."
"What? Your favorite takeout? Just name it."
"You were right before when you said I was the one holding off. The reason that we hadn't... You know..."
