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He sighed. "Yes, essentially. I know. I shouldn't say it, but I'm worried."
When in doubt, deny, deny, deny. "Why are you worried? I'm fine, Westin. I certainly don't need you."
He sighed. "Look, all I'm saying is, given our history, I know a little bit about why you were screaming for Lenora. I just want to help."
I lifted my brow. "You want to help? Where were you four years ago when I woke up alone?"
He winced as if I'd hit him. My pride tried to strangle the questions down, but it was too late, because they were bubbling up whether I wanted them to or not.
"Where were you over the last four years when my father tried to squelch every inch of rebellion and freedom I tried to carve out for myself? Where were you when I had to sit there and listen to him as he picked my school, picked my courses, told me exactly what I was going to do? Where were you when I was fighting for a mate, fighting for freedom, fighting to make sense of my world without the one person I could trust?"
"Nissa, if I could have come back—"
I shook my head. "Don't do that. Don't tell me that if you could have come back for me you would have, because I know that's not true. You didn't come back then, but you're back now, right? I don't need to know the whys or wheres or hows. I just know that I wasn't important enough for you to come back. Or is that not the truth?"
Steely blue eyes met mine. "I can't tell you where I’ve been."
"Sure you can't. Don't worry about it. I turned out just fine. I don't need you. I don't need your help."
I tried to brush past him, but he reached out and took my elbow. "I know you don't want to hear this. And trust me, I understand. You never expected to see me again, and I know I hurt you. Believe me or don't, but every day, I thought about you."
I turned, forcing him to release me. "You recognize that's bullshit guys tell girls, right? Don't gaslight me, okay? I'm stuck with you for the time being, so let's just figure out a way to live with each other. Jamila is going to be gone soon. I just want to get a routine down for the rest of the year, and then I'll be free of you, okay?"
His brows furrowed. "What do you mean, free of me?"
I rolled my eyes. "I don't have to talk to you. I don't have to tell you anything. I don't have to confide in you. Matter of fact it is probably better for me if I don’t do any of those things."
"I know you think you can't trust me, but you can, Nissa. I'm sorry I haven't been here for you. I am well aware I don't have any right to ask you to trust me. It is kind of bullshit. I get it. But if you do want to talk, I am absolutely here. You and I have history. It's probably better if we don't pretend that’s not true."
"We do have history. And that history has taught me a lot. It's taught me to be wary of men bearing gifts of their hearts and those kinds of things. I'm not buying it. I’ve been fine since you left, and I will continue to be fine."
He nodded slowly. "Okay, if you say so. Just know that if at any point you're not fine, I'm here. You can talk to me or not. It's really up to you. I’m just worried about you."
I shook my head. "No need to worry about me. I survived you walking out. I will survive a couple of bad dreams." I stepped out into the living room and grabbed my backpack. "Are you ready? I have to go to class."
He followed behind dutifully, and I knew from the look on his face, we weren't done with this line of questioning.
11
Westin
So much for getting Nissa to trust me again. This morning had been a disaster. And she’d spent the day freezing me out.
It was one thing to spend every single day with her, not being able to touch her. It was another thing to feel like I never knew her.
What did you expect? It’s been four years. Maybe she is a different person, not the girl you left behind.
I hadn’t expected anything less, but fuck, it still burned.
Don’t you have other things to focus on anyway?
Wasn’t that the truth. I had a mission. And that mission was covering Nissa Montgomery and finding out what her father was hiding. That mission did not include getting my feelings twisted up over her again.
Focus on what you're supposed to be doing.
And that was the plan. Keep my focus. I knew what my priorities were.
Well, you have another priority.
