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“I’m worried about you, Cassie,” Bella murmurs.
I open my eyes and shake my head, swallowing hard against another wave of nausea.
“I’m going to mention this to your dad the next time he calls, honey. You know how much he worries. Try to feel better, okay?” Bella walks away, closing my bedroom door, and all I can think is I finally have a little peace.
Laying on the cool floor, I curl up in misery. No one would ever believe me if I told them the truth.
* * *
It’s beena month since one of the lowest days in my life. Spring is in full swing, and I can see flowers growing back now that it’s April. I’ve been so depressed, the change in weather perks me up just a bit, and I can’t wait to get through the rest of the school year and away from that cesspit called high school.
Sighing, I force myself to put on a long-sleeved blue dress with black tights. I would rather hide in a baggy off the shoulder sweater and leggings, but Lyra looks like she’s sucking on a lemon whenever I wear those.
I just want to melt into the background the last month and a half of school and then disappear off to college. I need a new start, I need normal and boring. Where people don’t moo at me when I walk by even though I’ve lost weight.
As a fuck off to my lovely step-sister, I tug on a pair of well worn combat boots. Maybe the nod to a pair of kick ass boots will wear off on my weary soul. Grabbing my bag, I look around my room, wishing I could stay here with my kindle instead.
At least while Lyra is at school I know I’ll be safe.
It took me a week before I could pick up my kindle, becausehehad touched it, and even then, I wiped it down with bleach wipes, but I never did continue the book I was reading. It’s tainted now.
Shivering, I put on my black peacoat and walk out of my sanctuary. Dad is actually home again, and as I move downstairs, I see him chatting with Bella before she goes to work. I really am happy for them, which is why I keep putting one foot in front of the other and force a smile on my face.
I would never purposefully ruin someone else’s happiness. It’s not in me to hurt my father, not after how messy his divorce with my mom was.
It was a nasty few months; she was cheating on him and then tried to take me from him, saying military life was an unstable environment in which to raise a child. I had to testify and ask to be placed with my father.
It was a shit show.
“Good morning,” I tell them with a smile. “I’m just about ready to go whenever Lyra is.”
My father opens his arms to me, and I walk into them. I love his hugs. They’re strong, the perfect pressure, and last just long enough. They’re also the only hugs I’ve gotten in a long time.
I don’t accept comfort from Bella anymore, because the last time I did, she noticed how thin I was. I don’t want to deal with the questions. Dad, on the other hand, thinks I’m perfect at any weight and doesn’t pay attention to it.
Stepping back, my body relaxes just a little. Maybe today will be better.
“I’m ready to go!” Lyra yells as she stomps down the stairs. She sees me and smirks as she walks up to us. “I’m so glad you’re on time this morning, Cassie.”
My father snorts. “What do you mean? Cassie is one of the most punctual people I know, Lyra. I have some errands to do today, but I’ll be home for dinner. Anything big happening for either of you today?” he asks.
It warms my heart that Dad stuck up for me, but Bella stiffens a little, as she is starting to see how manipulative Lyra can be. No mother wants to admit their daughter is a monster, but the rose-colored glasses have slipped just a bit recently.
Lyra chatters about different social clubs she’s in and how excited she is about prom. I simply smile and nod, because I’m just excited finals are almost here so I can ace them and leave this awful place.
I can’t tell Dad this though, can I?
“That’s wonderful, Lyra. I’m so excited about all of your accomplishments this year. Cassie, honey, any big projects coming up?” Dad asks, leaning back a little to look down at me.
I don’t know how he’s six-two while I am barely five-two. It’s just not fair. Smiling tightly, I shake my head. “Wrapping up some assignments, waiting on the last of my acceptance letters, and business as usual, Dad. We’re going to be late… I’ll see you for dinner?”
Dad stares at me for a moment before nodding. I feel like he’s somehow seeing more than he should when he’s been so oblivious the last few months.This isn’t the time to become the helicopter parent, Dad.
“Have a good day, kids,” he starts to say as we open the front door and walk out. “Hey, you didn’t go to the kitchen at all, Cassie. Did you eat breakfast?”
I stopped eating breakfast the last time Lyra mooed at me and told me I was cannibalizing my brethren when I was pouring a glass of milk. I can’t think about milk now without getting anxious and nauseous.
“I ran out of time,” I tell him, turning with a shrug and a small smile. I rarely lie to my father because he can see through them. “It won’t hurt me to skip today, I’ll be sure to eat later.”
