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“Yeah. Really.” His expression was sad but intense. “You have no idea how much I wanted you with me—to be there at my side while I made something of myself.” His head shook as he closed his eyes. “It would have been selfish of me, because you had dreams of your own and things you wanted to accomplish.” With a mirthless laugh, he added, “You probably would have hated it. I lived in a really crappy neighborhood for the first few years. My apartment was half the size of this room. It was filthy and had the worst smell, but...it was all I could afford at first. I invested in my wardrobe and looking the part of a music executive. No one knew how I lived, though. Most nights I’d go home and think of how it all would have been better if you were there.”
When he looked up at her again, he looked tortured and, more than anything, she wanted to soothe that look away.
“Three years' difference and it robbed us of everything.” His voice was so low and gruff that she barely heard him.
“It didn’t,” she assured him, moving closer and curling up against him. “Not really. There were things we had to do on our own. Had to. Because no matter how much we might try to romanticize everything, the fact is that we both had dreams and we might have been happy for a little while, eventually, we would have resented each other for all we gave up.”
“Maybe.” But he didn’t sound convinced.
“And...if we’re really being honest, I was the one who dropped the whole I love you thing right before you left. Because of our age difference, I think we both know how cautious we had to be about our feelings.” She wanted to remind him how he never said those words to her then, and then remind him how he said them this morning, but...she didn’t.
“Still...I just wish...”
“We’re here now,” she assured him.
His arms banded around her and seemed like he was grabbing her like a lifeline. “Are we?” he asked after a moment. “Because we’ve been living in the moment, Sienna. We talk about our past, we talk about the present and all the things we’re doing, but neither of us talks about the future or what’s going to happen at the end of our two weeks. Three more days. Then where will we be?”
Dammit. She had really hoped he’d be the one with the answer.
Hell, she had hoped that he would simply tell her he loved her and wanted her to stay.
When this whole trip started and he talked about how she was the missing piece of his life, she wanted to chalk it up to them being caught up in the moment. She knew he cared about her—knew he had strong feelings for her—but she still couldn’t quite wrap her head around all of it. Emotional discussions or expressing her feelings weren’t something she was good at. Normally, she was quiet and reserved and...really, Sienna had no idea if that was simply who she was or if it was how she ended up, thanks to her spending so much time focused on her education and career.
Right now, she wasn’t sure how to handle such a deep and emotional conversation.
Swallowing hard, she asked, “Where do you want us to be?”
Oddly, he chuckled softly. “Answering a question with a question, princess?”
“Mick...”
“Look, I get it. I’ve respected the fact that you needed this time and you weren’t ready to hear how I felt, but it hasn’t changed anything for me. I knew what I wanted the moment I saw you at Carmine’s that night. And since that night, we’ve been living in our own little world and I don’t regret that, but you have to know that we are going to have to talk about this eventually. Sooner rather than later.”
“I know, I know...and there’s a part of me that feels like we should just do it, but...just like you admitted that you were scared the other night, I am too. I don’t want to say anything that’s going to make either of us uncomfortable for the rest of this trip.”
She realized how that sounded—and even if she hadn’t, the look on his face showed that he took her words as leading to something negative.
“There’s a lot for us to consider,” she said, hoping to put him at ease. “Anything that happens after I go home is going to require a lot of thinking and discussing and planning. Even just saying that out loud makes me want to break out in hives. It gives me anxiety! There’s just so much, and...and...”
“Okay, okay,” he said softly, soothingly. “It’s all going to be alright, Sienna. I promise.”
“I wish I had your confidence...”
Slowly, he rolled them over so he could look at her. “We have one more day here and then we’re going ho...” he paused. “Back to my place. Why don’t we push pause on this conversation for now? I don’t want to ruin the last days of our trip with such a serious topic.”
In theory, he was saying all the right things, but... they sounded wrong to her.
Still... he had a point.
Sort of.
After all, could they really both just forget that they’d opened the door to this and then run around California Adventure tomorrow without a care in the world?
With a sigh, Sienna figured they were going to find out.
Again.
****
