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“Hey, you never know. I’ve heard of lots of things stuck in there. Fruits, vegetables, keys, candles, coffee and peanut butter jars, lightbulbs, deodorant, smartphones, bottles of body spray, Buzz Lightyear—”
“That’s not making me feel any better.” I squeeze the phone tighter. “What should I do?”
“Go to the ER,” she says.
“How about something less drastic,” I say, picturing how embarrassing such a trip would be—especially since my name is Fanny.
For the rest of their lives, the nurses would tell everyone, “The patient’s name was Fanny, and she had a toy stuck in her fanny.”
Ava takes an audible breath. “Do you have any abdominal pain?”
“No.”
“How about bleeding?”
All blood drains from my face. “This just happened. You think there could be bleeding?”
“Unlikely, if there’s no pain. Just make sure not to reach in there with tongs or anything that could cut or bruise the area. That includes your nails.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “I’m not an idiot. At least not more of an idiot.”
“Okay, but just keep in mind: There are cases where tongs have gotten stuck along with the original object.”
“No tongs,” I say firmly. “What can I do, though?”
“Other than going to the ER? You can try to poop it out.”
I feel a pang of hope. “You think that would work?”
“If it’s small enough, it should come out the way it came in.”
I look at the empty box from the toy. “How small is small enough?”
“I have no idea. Did it go in easy?”
My face reddens. “Kind of.”
“Then maybe it’ll be a case of easy come, easy go.”
Ugh. “This isn’t funny!”
“Look, I’ve really got to run. Keep me posted. If you decide to go to the ER, come here, to Presbyterian.”
I grimace. “I’m trying the poop method first.”
“Eat some fiber,” she says. “Better yet, a laxative.”
With that useful advice, she hangs up.
As I place Precious back on the bed, I see something on the work phone that chills my bones.
The help call looks to have connected somewhere.
“Hello?” I squeak into the receiver. “Is someone there?”
“Ms. Pack,” says a familiar, Russian-accented voice. “I strongly disagree with your plans and am on my way to take you to the ER immediately.”
Chapter Seven
