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Landon Wright was kissing me.
It was amazing. The best thing that had ever happened to me. He was fulfilling every fantasy I’d had in the back of my head over the last eight months. How many times had I imagined him doing this exact thing?
Last winter, when he’d driven me home from this exact bar, all I’d wanted to do was lean over and kiss him senseless. I’d wanted him to take me up to my apartment and fuck me. I’d wanted so much. And New Year’s, we had been so close to giving in and ending up in this moment together.
Yet, even as drunk as I had been on both occasion, I’d known he was married. I’d known how wrong it was to even want that from him. And I’d walked away.
Now, he was finally kissing me and answering all my silent pleas, and I had to stop him.
Fuck.
I shoved Landon backward with as much force as I could. Then, I moved away from the wall and wiped my mouth.
Fuck!
“Whoa!” I yelled at him. I took another step back from him. Putting distance between us was the only way I wasn’t going to give in again. “Whoa! Married!”
Landon leaned into the space I had vacated and sighed heavily. “Yeah.”
“Are you completely insane?”
He turned to face me, pressing his back against the bricks. His eyes were bright and full of lust. I could understand that look. I was sure it mirrored mine. But he also looked…remorseful. Like the last thing he had wanted to do was hurt me. Again.
“Uh, yeah,” Landon said, “a bit insane at the moment.”
“Well, Jesus Christ, what were you thinking?”
Because I needed an explanation. What the hell had changed that he would go from cutting me off entirely to making out with my face? If we hadn’t gone through with it on New Year’s when we had both been in the thick of it all, I couldn’t fathom how he could do it now.
“That I really wanted to kiss you, and I’d wanted to do it for too damn long.”
I held my hand up and tried to breathe shallowly. “You can’t say things like that to me.”
God, he’s drunk. Of course, I’d known that before I came out here with him, but I hadn’t expected our conversation to veer so far left. And, now, I would never be able to get the feel of his lips or the brush of his tongue or the taste of whiskey mixed with something purely Landon out of my head.
I couldn’t think about that or I wouldn’t be able to think about anything else. Ever.
“I can,” he said, meeting my gaze. “But you act like I shouldn’t.”
His dark brown eyes nearly made me lose it. He was too much. Tall, dark, and handsome was too cliché for Landon with his deep tan from endless days on the golf course and soulful expression. He was a man who had known loss and understood depression but had risen above. There was more to him than the gorgeous Wright looks. But it didn’t excuse his actions.
I didn’t want to be some mistake he’d made when his wife wasn’t in town.
“No, you shouldn’t,” I said. “I won’t do that again. I will not be that kind of girl. It’s disrespectful to me, and it’s disrespectful to Miranda. And…it’s just bad,” I rambled on because, if I stopped, I knew I’d be done for. My fingers were itching to grab him and crush his mouth to mine again. I’d wanted this for months. Even though there were a million and a half reasons that it was a supremely idiotic idea, I still wanted him.
And that had made dating nearly impossible. Somehow, Landon had become the standard that I held all other guys to. Not that I’d had much luck outside of Tinder hook-ups, and I refused to date my coworkers. That was the number one rule. One I had always completely adhered to. No matter how cute the new guy ended up being.
“Yeah, bad idea,” he agreed slowly. “I’m not trying to make you that kind of girl, Heidi.”
“Good, because that would never happen.”
“I’m just lost, and I want you to find me.”
I knew he was drunk, but damn it, that was cheesy. And, fuck me, I hated that I still thought it was sweet of him to say it to me. Even if he wasn’t allowed to.
“Stop that! No sweet talk.”
“I wasn’t—”
