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Because Heidi and I were inevitable.
There was no denying how I felt or where this was going. I might slow down when she told me to slow down. Pump the brakes when the cracks in her facade began to crumble. But I could never turn around and walk away. There was no amount of distance between us that could make me step back.
“Heidi,” I murmured.
“Hmm?”
“Look at me.”
Her eyes opened hesitantly, as if she couldn’t face her own reality. As if she would give in the minute she saw the depth of affection in my eyes.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Falling for you.”
There was no accusation in her eyes. It was deep emotional turmoil. One step forward and two steps back. A struggle to reel in how much she wanted this and how terrified she was to let go. Because, if she let go…she could get hurt. She could succumb to something she had sworn she would not do.
Heidi was a fighter. She was resilient. She wasn’t going to let me win unless she wanted it, too. Until she was ready.
I could see how torn in two she was. Denying what she wanted and sticking to her guns, all at the same time.
“You can’t fall for me, Landon.”
“It’s too late. It’s done.”
“Not good enough,” she said.
“I’m a goner, Heidi. Can’t you see?”
She swallowed hard and nodded. She could see it on my face. She knew that I hadn’t been lying to her about Miranda. I was leaving her permanently this time. No separation. Just a good clean break—or as clean as I could make it.
But it didn’t eliminate all of our issues. And I was trying hard to meet her halfway about me being her boss. I knew it worried her, but we could get around it. I knew we could.
“I think…I think you need time. I mean, I don’t know what I think,” she said.
“I don’t need time. I’ve had all the time I needed.”
“Well then, I need time,” she told me.
I opened my mouth to convince her otherwise. But we’d already been here before. We had been here a few days ago. I would kiss her. She’d give in and then freak out. Then, she’d be pissed at me, and I’d have to start from scratch. Rinse and repeat.
I wanted to stop this endless cycle. But I couldn’t. Not here. Not now.
My head nodded of its own accord, and I took a step back. She looked like she was going to say something, but then she stopped. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t. We were both in limbo.
Then, the front door opened, and both our heads darted to the foyer.
“Uncle Landon!” Colton cried, sprinting into the living room and barreling into me.
I laughed because I couldn’t help it. I never saw my nephew enough. Jensen and Emery always flew to New York City to go see Colton where he lived with his mom. I hadn’t realized Jensen had made an exception for Emery’s birthday, but I approved.
I hoisted the seven-year-old up into my arms and groaned. “You are getting so big,” I joked.
Truthfully, I probably shouldn’t have picked him up with my back the way it was, but eh. I’d deal with the aftermath of that later. Though ignoring the problem was probably how I’d kept reinjuring it the first place.
“I’m turning into a man,” Colton confirmed for me.
Heidi and I both laughed.
