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“I remember him saying that.” Max started to believe that maybe the words held more meaning.
“Why would Agent Gunn need to know he’d accepted it?” She didn’t wait for Max to give an answer. “I think it’s because he’d already spoken to Agent Gunn, who offered him the only way out that protected everyone. Including Kyle. Kyle said,‘That’s the trick.’Why use that term? It doesn’t make sense. Unless he was trying to tell me his dying is a trick.”
Max rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “I’d like to think you’re right, but we’ll never know. Kyle won’t be able to reach out. Agent Gunn will never confirm it.”
“I know. And so we’ll hold a funeral for my brother today, never knowing if he’s dead or alive. At least, I won’t.”
“Well, now I’m not so sure either.”
She looked relieved to hear him say that. “Maybe it’swishful thinking. Maybe it’s my way of denying reality, so that I can cope.”
So what if it was. “You know your brother. You’d know if he was trying to get you to hear what he couldn’t say. Maybe you’re right.”
She leaned over and hugged Max. “Thank you for not dismissing it. Thank you for having even a little doubt on my behalf. And thanks for not calling me crazy.”
“What I think is that you’re crazy smart and maybe your brother was counting on that to help you cope with his loss. Because even if he is alive, he can’t ever come back. You’ll never see him again.”
“I know. And maybe I spend the rest of my life pretending that he’s out there, living a whole new life. But you know what? I’m okay with that. Because I hope it’s true. And I will miss him like he’s dead. But I’ll keep him alive and a part of our lives in my own way, even if it is far-fetched.”
“It would be nice to know for sure, though.”
“I’ll have to settle for believing it even if I can’t confirm it.”
“Some things, like love, are like that.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I think you confirmed how much you love me. Especially this morning.”
Max grinned. “Happy to do it again anytime you want. But right now, we need to get ready to go.”
“Right. But maybe you could do something for me first.”
“Anything.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissedhim. “Help me shower. You know, in case I get dizzy. You wouldn’t want me to fall.”
Max put the plate back on the nightstand, slipped his arm under her legs and scooped her up against his chest, then stood, and carried her to the bathroom. “I’ll be sure towashevery bit of you.”
Max actuallylovedevery bit of her under the warm spray before he helped her soap and rinse and dry off. They hadn’t rushed in the shower, but they did to leave the house.
And they made it to the funeral on time.
Chapter Thirty-Two
The pain hit Kenna the second she arrived at the funeral home and saw the urn amongst the many bouquets of flowers and the picture of Kyle behind it all. There he was, smiling back at her, but not here.
Whether dead or somehow alive somewhere, it finally sank in that he wasn’t coming back.
As she sat in the pew with her parents, Max’s family—minus Hunt and Cyn, who were on their honeymoon—she realized that from this day forward, he wouldn’t be a part of the family. He’d miss birthdays and holidays, her wedding, the birth of her children, the family dinners and milestones to come.
The tears didn’t come in a torrent of sobs like her mother. They streamed down her face in a cascade of lost days turning into weeks and months and years without Kyle.
She grieved not just the loss of him but all the things they’d never share. The things she’d never know, if he really was alive. She’d never know if he fell in love, married, had kids of his own. She’d never know wherehis life took him, what career he’d have, successes or losses or ordinary things about his new life.
And so, sitting there with Max’s arm around her, his comfort easing her pain, she silently thanked her brother for the sacrifice, for doing the hard thing. For giving up his life for hers, even though that meant they would forever be apart.
She prayed that somehow, someway she’d see him again.
And it gave her comfort to know that her brother was smart enough, canny enough to make that happen if he was still alive.
