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Stupid me, I assumed we moved past frivolous things like this. I should’ve known better.
Don’t give up.Her mother’s eyes plead.Give her time.
I crane my head to the side, not wanting anyone to witness the torment that brews. The seeds of doubt fester once more, coming alive.
Time is all I’ve ever given her…
forty-five
Finn
CHAPTERFORTY-FIVE
Finn
I have the cutest son in the entire world. I mean, I know everyone says this about their own kid, but mine?
I scoff. They don’t have anything on Aiden.
He is absolute perfection with his too-chubby cheeks and locks that are the perfect combination of brown mixed with Hailey’s dark reds when the sun hits just right. His eyes? Yeah, those are all me. Two perfect irises of green with specs of honey around the center.
Which, as of current, are slowly becoming less and less visible. Aiden’s lids flutter as he tries to fight dozing off. I squeeze my son a little tighter, not ready to put him down yet. His one cheek rests on my pec, right above my heart. The same one Hailey’s had a hold of for years, whether I wanted to admit it or not.
In the end, much as my little guy tries, sleep wins out. His eyes are firmly shut by the time I hear the soft steps shuffling in behind me.
“We must’ve worn him out at the park today,” Hailey jokes, coming up beside me and setting down the now-unneeded drink.
I exhale down my nose. That makes two of us.
I’m exhausted but in the best way possible. The figurative grip he has on me. Beyond words.
Summer is supposed to be a time to relax before a new year of college, but I’ve been busier than ever. In between basketball, my sister’s wedding, and making time for him, my schedule’s been packed full.
Before, if you’d asked me how I enjoy spending my days, it would include sleeping in and being on a court. A children’s park would’ve been the last place I’d ever suggest. Now, I’m there so often I should have a punch card. Show up ten times and get reserved access to the swings for a full hour.
I stroke Aiden’s balled fist of a hand after laying him down in his bed.
He’s the coolest little human, and it upsets me knowing there were a few years I lost out on having the opportunity to watch him grow. The past was out of my control, but I can create the future I want, and that makes all the difference.
A breath pushes past my lungs and the chuckle that comes with it is anything but pleasant.
“Isn’t it interesting how the person who you think brings out the best in you, makes you strong, is actually your weakness?”
“Finn…”
I give another stroke to my son’s too-small digits. “His hands,” I gulp. “They’re so little compared to mine.”
“Can we talk outside?” Williams asks, sounding cautious. Anxious, suddenly.
I stare at my own reflection. The hard glint in my eye, an easier thing to focus on through the glass than the handful of photos pressed to the frame underneath it. The strain I feel, specifically for the main one in the center, makes me almost come undone.
She’s happy.
Glowing.
Hailey’s exhausted. Her lids are drooping, with dark circles underneath her lashes from lack of sleep or exhaustion. Both? Other than this, she’s beaming while she smiles up at the camera. Her hair is tied off, cascading over either shoulder in two separate braids, a hospital gown her outfit as she sits dead center in the bed. A small Aiden held tightly in her arms at the hospital.
My upper lip thins out.
