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I miss my family. I miss my son. I even miss Hailey’s smart-ass mouth and the too-hostile remarks that fell from them. I’ve slowly been dying inside every new day they’ve both been gone and I’m without them.
Basketball is the only thing that’s helped distract me, but that hasn’t been enough lately. My jump shots have been jerky, my footwork’s been consistent with a baby giraffe learning to walk for the first time, and, oh yeah, my free throws are back to sucking balls.
Coach hasn’t even given me a chance to fully plant my ass in the seat across from his desk, and he’s already trying to wisecrack.
“What, no headphones? Never thought I’d see the day.”
I want to rub my eyes. It’s too early for this. I settle for raising half of my lip because it’s all the enthusiasm I can muster these days.
Miserable. I’m catastrophically miserable.
My new agent comes in behind me, noticing my soured mood too. This says a lot, seeing as we’ve only started officially working together the week of the wedding. I must look like one sack of soggy-ass balls if someone who hardly knows me has observed this.
They’ve been chatting back and forth for about fifteen minutes now. At least that’s what I’ve estimated since checking the time on the clock in Coach’s office.
This is the wrong move because, of course, my eyes find the wall with photos and newspaper clippings of all his former student’s achievements over the years.
I’ve dreamed of one day not only being on that wall but holding my place dead center. My ideals were as big as my ego, and they’re still here, but they’ve also…shifted. Realizing you have a son will change a person.
I snort, and it’s as obnoxious as it is miserable.
The sound is offensive enough that it garners both men’s attention back to me, and for once, I hate the stares. I want to be invisible right now, to be able to sulk in misery alone.
Coach’s brow arches. “What’s up with you?”
A lot. A whole fucking lot.
My back slides farther down in the seat. He wouldn’t understand. The closest this man’s ever come to having kids or a family are the players on his roster.
I exhale through my nose.
I need to get out of my head, but shockingly enough, it’s the only place that seems to provide me comfort. The memories are all I have. Pictures of Aiden smiling are one thing, but they aren’t the same as hearing the laugh that caused the reaction. Those are stuck inside my brain.
My chest has never felt so hollow. I thought the first time Hailey had left was miserable, but it’s nothing compared to losing them both.
Coach eyes my agent. “Mind if I have a moment with my player?”
He doesn’t open his mouth again until the door clicks shut and it gets more than awkwardly quiet. For him, not me. My head won’t shut the hell up.
“You seem different.”
I snort, angling my face sideways. Iamdifferent. My whole life changed this summer. The question, though, I still haven’t found an answer for is if it was for better or worse.
To be determined…
He leans back in his chair, and the hinges squeak under the fresh weight. Waving his arm, it dangles between us, but it’s not out of dismissal, more observation. “You’ve grown up.”
“I found out I have a son.” I shrug. “It tends to change people.” I go straight in for the jugular. No need to sugarcoat this more than necessary.
I knew by coming back here, word would spread eventually. For me, it’s all still so personal and raw, and I haven’t felt like mentioning it until this very moment.
I blame it on those keen, too-observant eyes of his as they continue to bore into me.
“Ah, so that’s what it is.” His chair shrieks in its discomfort once more as he leans forward, resting his elbows back on the desk. “A kid will usually do that.”
Then he chuckles, he fucking laughs.
He doesn’t mean it cynically, but it doesn’t matter because it’s the way I take it.
