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“What about what you told me right on the other side of those doors?” I ask, throwing a thumb over my shoulder for emphasis and bringing us back to earlier topics.
She flinches and her hand hesitates from where she’d been stroking my hair. “Again, I was hurting, but I shouldn’t have projected my pain onto you. That wasn’t fair…but everyone is entitled to a period of grievance as long as we don’t allow it to become our downfall.”
Maybe it’s the stronger sense of sympathy in her expression this time that I refused to comprehend or accept the first round, but this time, Iliterallyfeel the weight of her apology. Something deep down in my heart not fracturing but healing.
There’s this sense of freedom as well as space that’s no longer clogged and bogged down by heaviness. This epiphany is a whirlwind of leaps instead of the vile spite that’s previously held me captive, taking up space inside me for years.
For the first time in a long time, I have room to move, and this area inside me is free to be filled with new things at the closure.
“Here,” I say, handing my mother back my full cup of hot chocolate. “I wouldn’t mind another warm one?” I ask sheepishly.
“Coming right up!” She grabs at my chin, wiggling it before heading inside.
Her newfound happiness at the ease in my reaction makes her buoyant enough that she practically leaps from her spot at my request.
I sigh, tugging at the blanket we leave out here for chilly nights like this, and cover my legs while eyeing the place that has always brought me solace.
Forever the carrier of my thoughts and hoarder of my secrets.
The ocean.
fifty-two
Hailey
It’sbeenthreemoredays since the conversation with my mother and several things have happened since.
One. I’ve come out here every day and stood in this same spot at the same time. The hour at which the water starts to crest, pushing its peak. I sigh. My favorite time. Sunset.
Two. Not once has my mother mentioned our conversation again from the other night. I have reciprocated by also not discussing the issue. What more is there to talk about anyway? Regardless, I’m grateful she doesn’t, and we can both just move on.
And finally, the only thing filling my belly other than all the hot chocolate I’ve drunk these last few days is the amount of certainty I have. I shouldn’t have left, not as I had, upset and impulsive at least.
Sure, I send Finn daily photos of Aiden, but that’s it. There’s no banter, flirty winking emojis, or witty comebacks. Professional is how I’d describe our communication and it sucks.
I hate it.
I tug at my cardigan, hugging it closer to my body. The entire day was overcast but not gloomy, only adding a slight drop in humidity. A rarity in this season of the year.
I’m not ungrateful for the change. It’s a nice shift, a modification, but one I’ve adjusted to easily.
I exhale. If only everything were as easy to fix as adding an extra layer of clothes to an outfit.
“Yeah…right,” I grumble to myself.
Not even the ocean wants to hear my disagreement, the sea-foam pulling back. I don’t blame them and I’m the one who said it.
I recoil slightly at the sudden tug at my leg.
“Aiden?” I ask with a baffled chuckle, spotting the candy in his hand. “Who gave you a sour gummy worm? Can mommy have a bite?” I ask, picking him up and hugging him to my hip.
“No, mine,” he chants protectively, and I laugh some more.
“Alright,” I agree, wiping away some of the excess sugar from around his mouth. “Maybe later?”
Aiden nods. “Later.”
The sand cakes around my toes as I shift my weight, centering him to my stomach. “Did you come down here all by yourself?”
