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I press play, restarting the footage after the silence drags out for too long.
The memory of what happened after this game ingrained permanently in my subconscious like a bad smell.
All day I’ve been down here glossing over my best plays. Shuffling through the superior games of my high school career.
It’s ironic, like fate has a sick sense of humor, that my dad would show up now when the one game he came to is being played back on the megascreen.
I must be a glutton for punishment. Pressing play. Willingly, I put myself through this again. Reliving this day through the time capsule of a lens.
It’s not the game that gets me on this one, although this was our championship win senior year. It was what happened after. It’s this part my brain can’t shut off from…
Part of me is glad what happened after was never documented.
Maybe, if I try hard enough, my mind will forget it happened altogether. Doubtful, but it’s worth a shot. Same as the one I took that evening.
It was a gamble, but one that ended up rewarding me in the end.
I made it known Hailey Williams was mine after that game. Kissing her right there in front of an entire gymnasium of excited fans and students.
It doesn’t take much for me to remember what her enthusiasm tasted like on my lips. Sweet like the sugar she no doubt had beforehand, but with an intensity as strong and as hypnotizing as looking directly at the sun.
“How was I lucky enough to raise a son to be so proud but be a complete idiot all at the same time?” Dad says behind me, and I swear it’s as if he’s reading my mind.
Different reasons, but the same agenda.
The footage ends in blackness, much like the real-life version. Restarting from the beginning, a clip of a baby-faced Finn running the court replays from my freshman year.
“You know you’re making a mistake.”
My focus never shifts from the screen as I bite a hangnail.
He heaves a winded sigh. “It’s your life, son. Your decision—”
I hiss, nipping too hard at the skin, feeling the sting before more blood starts. That’s exactly what Hailey had said.
The decision is yours, but you’re either all in or all out.
“—I think you’re trying to convince yourself that hiding is the right choice, but it’s not. It’s a waste of time, it’s nothing. And personally, if I were you, son…well, you’ve already missed so much as is. Are you willing to lose any more?”
“What should I do? What’s the right choice?” The correct answer.
“We don’t always have control over how children come into this world, but a child will always remember who was there for them. That’s what matters…they don’t need to know about the hurt or the pain behind closed doors. They just need you; they need their parent.”
He inhales and the pain that accompanies it bothers me more than it should.
“I learned that later in life. More time than should be acceptable.”
He’s referring to him and my sister, Rory. Our relationship was always decent through the years, but there’s? Let’s just say Rory still refuses to call him by anything other than his first name…
“Finn, you’re a father now.”
“She never told me.” My face cracks with uncertainty, even if he can’t see. “How could she do that to me?” I whisper, finally pushing out the one question that’s haunted me since the beginning.
“I can’t tell you why she’s done what she has, but asking her would be a good place to start.”
My throat bobs. “What if I don’t want to?” I ask, lowering my voice more.
Anything louder would be an admission to the wounds Hailey’s left me to fix after she let me bleed out.
