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I’ve been here before—felt like I was going to die. Like I couldn’t survive the pain. Knowing I’d pass out because my body couldn’t register more.
If anyone looked closely, they’d see the scars hidden beneath the tattoos. They’d see the torture I’ve been through. They’d know what I can endure because I have before.
And staring into the darkness, knowing I have to survive this for her, it gives me even more strength to be able to endure, suffer, survive.
My body sways with every strike, but I don’t cry, yell, or scream. I don’t react at all except to think of my wife and how I’ll do anything for her. I deserve this. Even if I had a good reason to kill Kit, I still hurt her. And I deserve every punishment I’m about to go through.
I hear Andrea getting frustrated behind me. He wants me to cry and beg for him to stop. He wants me to show how weak I am and how strong he is.
Last time I went through something like this, I lost the woman I loved while I was breaking. This time the woman I love is hidden in the darkness, and she won’t die tonight. No matter what happens, he won’t kill her.
Nothing Andrea does to me now will be as bad as that night. He can’t hurt me—at least not in a way that will leave any permanent damage on my heart.
“Your turn,” I hear Andrea say, passing the whip to one of his men.
The crack rings around the room as the whip is snapped against my back with a different, more skilled force than Andrea. This man is going to rip my back apart until my muscles and bones are poking through my skin.
My eyes stay wide open as I stare at where I know Rialta is.
I love you.
I’m sorry.
I wish I could say those words out loud, but if I open my mouth I’ll scream, and I won’t give them the satisfaction. Plus, I don’t want the first time I tell her I love her to be while I’m bleeding out in a room full of men. She deserves the first time to be romantic. She deserves a lot. She deserves better than me, better than this.
I want to read her mind. I wish I knew what was going through her head. Is she satisfied with the revenge they are inflicting? Does she want them to go further? Does she want me dead?
When there is nothing left for them to strike on my bloody and raw back, Andrea sends another man to hurt me with his fists.
With a growl, he lands his first blow on my jaw. A tooth comes loose as blood floods my mouth, and my head snaps to the side, away from Rialta. He punches me in the gut next, taking all the air from my body as I try to double over but can’t.
Rialta.
Why didn’t I realize it sooner? Why didn’t I tell you before? Why didn’t I tell you everything? Why did I think I couldn’t love when the only person I could truly love was right in front of me? I could have loved you all this time. Then if I died now it would have been worth it. I would have died having loved you. I would have found a way to ensure your safety.
I’m not sorry for falling in love with you. I should be. I vowed I’d never experience that pain again, but I’m not sorry. I’m just sorry that I don’t know if I can save you.
Even if I survive, there’s no guarantee. Even if you forgive me, it probably won’t be enough. As much as I try to protect people, I always fail. Everyone I’ve ever loved has died, and Rialta will be no different.
No, I’ll find a way to save her.
But do I even really know her?
Another man takes his turn slicing into my skin with a knife. Then another with a cigar to my chest. Each man in the room takes their turn torturing me. Every one but her. The woman I know wouldn’t stand by and watch. She’d want to get revenge herself.
“It’s your turn, Rialta. Get your retribution,” I sputter through the blood.
I’m not sure if she’ll listen. I’m not sure if Andrea will even let her. But I know she’s still in this room, and I need to see her. I need to know how she really feels.
My head has fallen down—I no longer have the strength to hold it up. Blood and sweat drip over my eyes, making it hard to see. I wheeze with every breath. There isn’t a place on my body that isn’t bloodied, bruised, or marked. I’ll have scars that last a lifetime from this to add to the ones I already have. The tattoos I have will continue to hide most of the scars, but the wound on my heart—reopened and bigger than ever before—will never close.
There’s a long pause as the room is silent after my request. All eyes are turned to Rialta to see what she’s going to do.
With all of the strength left in my body, I lift my head and stare into the shadows where I know she is.
It’s only then that she takes a step into the light.
I can barely see her through the blood and sweat, but I can see her pain. She’s in absolute agony. She’s wearing her heart on her chest. And yet, she’s never looked stronger. There are no tears, no trembling, no hesitation. I can see the determination on her face. She knows exactly what she’s going to do next.
