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Chapter 34
Kat
“You what?”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Patrick stands before me in a crumpled posture, his arms hanging idly, head down as he looks up at me.
“I never stopped loving you,” he claims, his voice cracking. “What I did was stupid. It was the worst mistake of my life.”
“You said you weren’t happy,” I remind him. “Not happy for a long time,actually. Do you not remember saying that?”
“I do,” he says, nodding as he averts his eyes from mine to look down to his feet. Mrs. Warden always asksanyone who steps inside her apartment to take off their shoes, so I’m subjected to the sight of his silly colorful socks with Garfield’s face on them.
I gave him those socks about a year ago. It was a joke regarding his infantile love for lasagna—a love he shares with that cynical cat. We used to giggle like little children every time he put them on, but now they just remind me of all the pain I had to go through after our horrible break-up.
Is he wearing them on purpose, because he thought the sight of them would soften me to his objective?
“I remember what I said,” he goes on. “And maybe I thought I was unhappy at the time, I don’t know... all I can say is, I’ve been much, much unhappier ever since you left.”
I scoff in disgust. “Did Stacey dump you? Are you lonely? is that why you came here to whine?”
He shakes his head, and I retreat when he takes a step forward to approach me with his hand held out in an appeasing gesture.
“No! I was never with Sta—”
“You were fucking her while were dating,” I cut him off.
He grimaces in agony.
“Yes, but I was never with her, we never dated for real,” he asserts. “She wanted to, and maybe for like a split second I thought that’s what I wanted, too, but then we just... No, it didn’t feel right. I don’t love Stacey.”
He pauses and clears his throat before he adds: “I love you, Kat. Always have.”
“No,” I object, raising my hand in a defensive move and practically holding it up to his face, while I put some more distance between us. I move backward until my heels meet the bed frame behind me. My legs give in and I drop down on the edge of the bed.
“No, if you loved me, you wouldn’t have done what you did,” I insist. “You cheated on me, Patrick. For months—”
“It wasn’t that long,” he interjects.
“It doesn’t matter!” I burst out. “You cheated! You’re a lying, cheating bastard! At least own it instead of trying to downplay your massive fuck-up!”
“You’re right, you’re right,” he hurries to respond. “There’s no excuse for what I did, none. I hurt you, and you didn’t deserve that. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t.”
His eyes are actually watery now as he looks at me, a pleading expression on his face, and his lips quivering as he seems to struggle for words.
“Do you think there’s any chance you could forgive me?”he implores. “I know it’ll take time and a lot of effort from my side, but I’m willing to—”
“No,” I cut him off. “No, I don’t… I can’t…”
“Is this because ofhim?” Patrick asks, and his face hardens.
“Who?”
“The guy I saw you with,” he says. “Your new boyfriend or whatever. I don’t know what happened between you two, but when Mrs. Warden told me you had moved back in,I thought—”
“You thought you could just walk back into my life, because I’m no longer attached to someone else?” I bark at him.
Patrick evades my gaze, awkwardly shifting fromonefoot to the other while his lips move as if he was chewing the words he didn’t dare to voice.
