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“I’m fine when you’re here. The minute you walk out, I see him. He’s in every room, behind every door. I hear things, and most times, I won’t even leave the bedroom until I really have to. I’m so sorry, Hayden. I know you love this place, but I just don’t think I can live here anymore.”
Hayden shrugged and took their plates to the sink to wash.
Ashok’s heart sank. In his anxiety-riddled mind, this spelt the end of them. Hayden wouldn’t want to move. He’d been living here for years. Ashok would look for something else and be back to where he was six months ago, searching for an affordable place to stay. At least now he had more funds. His mum had been sending him money regularly. He called it her ‘guilt’ money, and he’d been able to save some, knowing deep down this day could come.
“I can start looking for somewhere tomorrow. I’m sorry, Hayden.”
“What are you apologising for? We can both start looking for something tomorrow. Yes, I love this place, but I won’t live here alone, and if you’re not here, then I don’t want to be either.”
And that was it, end of story. It had taken them a while to find a new place, and they’d eventually put a deposit down on a three-bedroomed new build just outside the city. The countdown had begun.
Now, Ashok stood in the small bedroom, looking around him, making sure they’d packed everything. He’d hardly stepped foot in here since the day his father had found him, spending every night since in Hayden’s room. The furniture in here was staying. It had been here when Hayden had first moved in. Ashok had stripped the bed, bundling the sheets into a black bag. He’d wash them at the new place. There were just the drawers to check and the storage space beneath the bed.
He checked all the drawers, finding nothing: an odd penny, a paperclip and lots of dust. It was obvious Hayden hadn’t been in here. Neat freak that he was, he’d have dusted the inside of the drawers too.
He got on his hands and knees, running his hand under the bed. Nothing there, no stray socks, at least. He slid the door open on the side of the bed. That, too, was empty, but then they’d not really used this room at all other than for storage lately.
He slipped open the other door, spying a white plastic carrier bag. They’d both missed this. He pulled it out, wondering what on earth could be inside. Something blue?
He opened it, puzzling over what it might be when he saw a flash of lace—electric blue lace. Memories of the day he worked hard to forget came rushing back, Flashbacks of his father, that wildness in his eyes and for a moment, he panicked. Anger at his father filled him, and he threw the bag down, wanting nothing to do with it, but then he recalled the sheer joy and excitement when he’d bought them.
Why should the actions of that day spoil that for him…for both of them?
He picked up the bag again and took the bodysuit out, running his fingers over the lace. It really was lovely. He’d bought it for himself with a mind to surprising Hayden with it. He also remembered the butt plug he’d bought. There it was, still in the box. He smiled now, despite the terrible memories it brought.
His and Hayden’s relationship had moved on considerably. He still wore the lace; neither of them wanted to give that up, but as for needing a butt plug? They were way past that. Hayden had been such a patient teacher and had opened his eyes to many things, including anal sex and they regularly used toys on each other. They did say variety was the spice of life.
Decision made, he stood, putting the carrier bag in with the dirty sheets. Hayden would never know. He took one last look around before closing the door one last time.
He went downstairs and did the same there, closing each door on memories long past. Good and bad. Today was a day for new starts, a new beginning with the man he loved.
Hayden
Ashok had been on edge since they arrived at their new home, and he had no idea why. Truth be told, he was getting a little irritated at him. Their furniture had arrived, as had Seb, Joe, Dom and Jacob, all intent on helping them get moved in as quickly as possible.
He’d already taken more than enough time away from the coffee shop this past year, what with Ashok’s assault, the court case and sorting out the new house with the builders, and here was Ashok acting all secretive and shit when all he wanted to do was get settled in.
Hayden was stressed!
“Just calm down.” Sage words from Dom. Who’d have thought it?
“I am calm,” Hayden said, and Dom raised his eyebrow.
“Keep telling yourself that, big fella. Why don’t you ask Ashok to take you upstairs, help you relax a little? Your stress is making everyone else stressed.”
He stormed away and walked to the top of the garden. He just needed a quiet five minutes away from it all. It was rare he got like this, but today, everyone, including Ashok, was pushing his buttons.
“Is everything OK?” Ashok came up behind him, slipping his arms around his waist. Hayden closed his eyes and breathed deeply.
“I’m fine,” he said, knowing perfectly well he wasn’t.
“I know you’re not, but soon everyone will be gone and we can finally settle into our new home. Why don’t you stay here for a while, and I’ll go sort it all out. Before you know it, we’ll be done.”
He missed Ashok’s touch the moment he was gone and felt bad for his earlier thoughts. They did say moving was one of the most stressful things you could do, and he was certainly feeling that today.
Soon enough, most things were in place, just a few boxes to unpack. As a thank-you, they grabbed a takeaway and had a few beers. He finally began to relax, but now, Ashok seemed to be on edge.
He watched him carefully, wondering what on earth was wrong, and when everyone left, his anxiety seemed to rocket.
