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Ashok thought back to Hayden and his hostile reaction to him. He was attractive. There was no denying that, and had Ashok been a more confident person, he might have flirted a little with him. Instead, they’d argued, and Ashok had seen his arse.
He took another look around, but there was nothing unusual about the room. He didn’t stay or poke around. If someone were to do that to him, he would hate it. He respected privacy; it was whatheexpected, but an invasion of his own had resulted in an unfortunate incident that had only added to his reasons for wanting to move away.
The scar on his forearm tingled at the memory, and he scratched at it unconsciously. It was a night he wouldn’t forget.
He backed out of the room, closing the door behind him before opening the next one along. Still not the bathroom, but it was Jerome’s room. It was warmer in here than in the other rooms in the house, and he guessed that was to be expected. He didn’t know an awful lot about snakes, but he did know they needed to be kept warm. Not wishing to spend any more time here than necessary, he shut the door, wiping his hand on his sweats. He wouldn’t be going in there again.
Finally, the last door he opened was the bathroom. It was small, just sufficient room for a sink, toilet and a double shower cubicle. Compact. That’s the word, but it was all he needed, and he guessed it was the same for Hayden, too. He wasn’t a fan of a bath, anyway. All that wallowing in your own filth. No, thank you!
He turned the shower on, setting it to hot, and undressed quickly before stepping under the spray. Unsure how long the hot water would last, he washed quickly, spending less time on his long hair than he would usually. Right now, it reached just past his shoulder blades, but he’d had a good chunk of it cut off before he left. It was another bone of contention with his father. He’d stood his ground, supported by his mother as always, and he wondered, not for the first time, how he would have survived without her. He was sure he was the cause of many of their arguments over the years, and he was sorry for that.
Ashok knew he should call her as soon as he was done and hurried through the rest of his shower, not bothering to shave this time around. He found the towels where Hayden had said and wrapped one around his body and another around his head. He folded his dirty clothes and picked up his clean ones, paying particular attention to his underwear.
This was his secret, the one he’d tried to hide from everyone. No one knew, except his mum, or no one was supposed to know. He’d been home alone one morning when his eldest brother had walked in on him as he was getting dressed. He’d been embarrassed, and his brother had backed out of the room, anger and disgust on his face.
Privacy! Why did no one respect it?
The problem was it wasn’t the first time he’d been caught. He tried to be so careful, and he wasn’t ashamed of his choices, not at all, but not everyone was as understanding as his mother was, especially not his father. When he found out, it was another excuse for him to show Ashok how a real man should behave.
Ashok was content to be out from under his father’s iron fist, but he still needed to hide himself away. He wasn’t ready to reveal his secret to anyone anytime soon.
He dried himself off, trying not to look at the scars he carried nor at the slightly misshapen fingers on his left hand. He’d told his mother he’d fallen at school because if she ever found out exactly how he came to have his fingers broken, she’d be upset beyond belief. Another secret he had to keep.
He was glad to be away. Being the holder of so many secrets was beginning to weigh heavy.
Knowing he was alone made him a little more comfortable as he slipped the multicoloured lace boxer briefs on, the soft fabric feeling good against his skin. It never failed to make him feel happy, but not everyone understood that.
He wasn’t into ladies’ clothes, although he owned a couple of women’s sweaters and shirts, but he did really enjoy wearing lace and silk underwear. He had a fair few pieces in his collection now, but he was never brave enough to show anyone. Not that he had a line of men waiting to take him out.
Ashok wasn’t shy, but previous events had caused him to be reserved around men, to keep his distance. How had he found the courage to speak out to Hayden today? He didn’t really know what had come over him.
Years of being told he wasn’t good enough or that he’d never live up to his brothers’ reputations had him shying away from confrontation. Previous attempts to speak out had resulted in him feeling his father’s wrath, and he didn’t just mean his words. His mother had tried to stop it, and for a while, he’d resented her too, but the day he caught her covering up her own bruises, he knew it was a vicious cycle and one he needed to break out of.
He wished he could have taken her with him, but she’d encouraged him to leave. She would cope, and he knew she could. His mum was the strongest woman he knew. He deliberated for days after taking the job at Nava, wondering how he could get them both away, but in the end he’d left alone.
Having dressed and folded the towel neatly, he went back to the room he’d be calling his for a day or two. He wasn’t planning on staying longer, but this would do in a pinch. He’d dressed in a pair of black leggings and an oversized lilac jumper. It was his favourite colour and complimented the darker tone of his skin. He slipped on a pair of fluffy socks, and his outfit was complete.
He dug out his phone, lay back on the bed, and turned it on. No flurry of messages this time, just one missed call from his mum. He dialled her number and waited.
“Ashok, my darling,” she said in her accented voice. “Tell me you’ve arrived safe and sound.”
“Yes, Mum. I’m here and staying with one of Seb’s friends for a few days until I can find something else.” Just the sound of her voice brought tears to his eyes, and he wondered again if he’d done the right thing.
“I’m happy and sad at the same time. Your father has been trying to find out where you’ve gone, but I told him I didn’t know. I don’t think he believes me, so you mustn’t call me often.”
“I don’t like all this secrecy, and it’s putting you in harm’s way again. Did he…?” Ashok didn’t want to ask, but he knew he wasn’t the only one to suffer at the hands of his father. As wrong as it was, his father had been brought up that way. His father before him had used fists instead of words, and so the cycle continued, as it often did.
“No, he didn’t, Ashok. I’ve been staying out of his way, and now that you’re gone, maybe I have no reason to stay either.”
“What do you mean? Are you leaving him? Where are you going?” Ashok was stunned.
She’d been with his dad for years, thirty-one to be precise, and in that time, she’d given him four sons. The first son resulted from a brief affair and an unwanted pregnancy. Being originally of Hindu faith, his mother had been exiled by her family, and she had married his father for fear she’d find no one else. It had not only brought shame to her, but her family too, and she’d never been forgiven.
His mother continued. “Like you, I’ve been making plans. I had to stay until you were far away. The other boys, they can look after themselves. They have families of their own now. I just needed for you to be safe. I can’t say too much right now, but Iwilllet you know, Ashok.”
“Come stay with me,” he pleaded. Surely it would make sense for her to do that, plus he’d have someone familiar around and they could share a place.
“As much as I would love that, I can’t. You need to fly, Ashok, and you can’t do that with your mother around. Find yourself, away from all this badness that has been dragging you down. Go be the best person you can be. I know you can do it.”
