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She looked at him with stubborn determination. ‘I’m giving you an out here, Mateo,’ she said quietly. ‘You can keep the lifestyle you enjoy, go out with whoever you want to go out with, and yet always have however much or little contact with our child as you find comfortable. I really don’t understand why you don’t find that appealing.’
‘You had the luxury of two parents,’ he said in a rough undertone. ‘You’re lucky. Stop to think that there are people like me who never had that luxury. People like me who grew up envious of people like you. I want my child to have what I lacked. I want my child to have the luxury of two parents. When it comes to love, well, it’s hit or miss, isn’t it? Divorce happens because people get wrapped up in believing in a magic that rarely happens, instead of accepting something that might not be stardust but might just be a lot sturdier. Welikeone another. Werespectone another. Bring that to the table, and what we would have is a rock-solid union.’
‘There would be so much more than that I would expect from a marriage, Mateo.’
Yet what he had said touched her. She had always taken it for granted that marriage was about love, and that without it there could be no such thing. Had she been unrealistic? They were going to have a baby together. For him, above all else, two parents were always going to better than one because he had grown up with just one parent, had lived in the shadow of abandonment. From that had sprung this fierce determination of his to make sure their baby had what he had missed out on.
Two people with two separate dreams.
‘What? Tell me.’
‘Even if I felt that it was okay to sacrifice my life to a loveless marriage for the sake of a child...’
‘Good God, Maude,sacrifice...?’
Maude had the grace to flush and when she met his eyes it was to find herself drowning in his incredulous dark gaze.
‘Okay, maybe that’s a bit—’
‘Overblown? Damn right it is.’
‘But you know what I mean.’
‘Tell me what else you would expect, aside from affection, respect and of course amazing sex. Because let’s not beat about the bush here, Maude—we’re good in bed together. So tell me what other pieces of the jigsaw have to slot into place before you climb down from a place where only perfection will do.’
His husky reminder of the very thing she had spent the past few weeks trying to shove under the carpet made her go beetroot-red and set up a chain of physical reactions that she couldn’t control. Her breasts felt heavy, her nipples pinching against her sensible cotton bra, and there was a shameless pooling of liquid between her legs, an ache there that only served to remind her of just how expert he had been at assuaging it.
And wasn’t this why she couldn’t end up marrying this guy? The very fact that she loved him made her vulnerable in ways he wouldn’t understand.
If she took the love out of marriage, then it would become a business arrangement, and he was right—a business arrangement had a good chance of surviving.
But wouldshebe able to surviveit?
Would she be able to hide her love day after day, week after week and year upon year and content herself with a guy wholiked herin return?
At what point would those shoots of unhappiness mushroom into full-blown misery and despair? And would that just mean divorce at a later stage when their baby, then a child, would suffer more from the fallout?
The thoughts whirred inside her brain like angry insects and she held her head in her hands for a couple of seconds. When their eyes met, she saw sudden concern in his.
‘This is stressing you out.’ He raked his fingers through his hair and shook his head. ‘That can’t be good for you.’
Maude smiled wryly. ‘I’ll survive, Mateo. It’s important we have this discussion. You asked me what other things I would want in any marriage beyond what you’ve...er...said...’
Mateo tilted his head to one side, his dark eyes still concerned, but thoughtful, his body as still as a statue. His nod was curt.
‘Fidelity. Yes, we have great sex at the moment, but that’s called lust, and lust doesn’t last. What happens when that fades away, Mateo? You’re a guy with a strong libido. Will you start casting your net a little further afield? Because that would be something I would find intolerable.’
‘You have my word. I am more than prepared to fold away that net and never bring it out of storage. I would be one hundred percent faithful to you.’ He paused and then said in a driven undertone, ‘And that’s presuming I tire of you. You might find that you’re the one who tires of me...or we both might discover that the magic we shared in Italy is longer lasting than expected.’
Maude felt the persuasive impact of his words swirling round her, enticing her to agree with his proposition. Wasn’t he right? Wasn’t their child the only one that mattered?
But then she thought of her own parents and the love they shared, the intimate jokes between them, the way they still held hands.
Thosewere the simple things that came with love, things that could never be replicated in a relationship which would only ever be an arrangement, whatever words he used to describe it.Thatwas what a child deserved, not a business arrangement between two polite parents, where resentment would most probably find its home in due course, whatever Mateo might believe to the contrary.
‘So,’ he urged. ‘Will you marry me, Maude?’
She looked at him steadily, and then said as gently as she could, ‘I can’t, Mateo. I can’t marry you.’
