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“He was one of those guys who have so much charisma,” I said. “So much personality that you just get sucked in, you know? When he talked to me, when we played together, he made me feel like I was his whole world.”
“So you did play with him?”
“Not that night.” I poked at an assortment of balsamic-glazed vegetables. “We hadn’t scened in months. He was done with me, but I couldn’t get over him. This has been a pattern in my life, something that happens repeatedly in my relationships, and I know it’s my fault for picking the hot ones.”
“The hot ones?”
“The Doms with flair. The Doms every sub wants. There aren’t enough Dominants who know what they’re doing.”
“True,” he agreed.
“And when there’s a Dom like that, who really has his shit together, there are fifty subs waiting in line to be with him, and each of those subs is expendable.”
“Exploitable.”
“Yes. Ugh.” Lingering anger heated my cheeks as I tugged at a braid, twirling the end around my finger. “Keith used me, manipulated me for fun. He got off on how much I fell for him. The stupidest thing is that I saw him do it to other girls. I knew this seduce-and-conquer routine was his thing, but when he did it to me, I was sure he loved me. I was sure I was different and special. He told me I was. He whispered it in my ear.”
Fort grimaced. “It’s the worst when they whisper it in your ear.”
“Are you making fun of me?”
“No,” he said. “I’ve seen what you’re describing. That’s why I don’t go to places like Underworld. It’s not real kink, it’s a meat market. It’s where the sport fuckers go to find an easy mark. I’m sorry it happened to you.”
“More than once,” I said, putting down my fork. “So I can’t get involved with D-types anymore. I’m not cut out for it.”
He pushed a basket of bread my way. “That’s it? You’re done with the lifestyle?”
“I think it’s for the best.” I was trying to convince myself as much as him. “I’m going to focus on work for a while, maybe read some self-help books about relationships and emotional health.”
“Sounds…healthy.” His gaze went intense again. “But what will you do, Jewels, when your needs get too strong to ignore?”
I knew he was still calling me “Jewels,” not “Jules.” I could tell by the way his lips caressed the word.What will you do?He wanted to know about myneeds.
“I don’t know what I’ll do,” I said, picking up my fork again. “Where can I be submissive without being taken advantage of? Where can I meet Doms who aren’t assholes?”
He tilted his head, acknowledging my frustration. “Most of the Doms I know are assholes.”
I wasn’t sure if he included himself in that number, but I assumed he did, and it made me feel even sadder. “Well, it doesn’t matter, because I’m done with the BDSM scene. It’s not worth the drama.”
The waiter sidled up to the table to add water to both our glasses. As soon as he was gone, Fort took a long look around the room.
“The scene,” he repeated. “It fucks up so many people. It fucked you up, but maybe…”
His voice trailed off, and he wouldn’t look at me.
“Maybe what?” I asked.
He glanced at the vines above us, steepling his fingers under his chin. “Fuck. What am I doing?”
“Excuse me?”
He looked back at me. “The night I saw you leaning against that building, I…” He snapped his mouth shut and rubbed his hand across his lips. “Well, I liked your socks, the way they fit your legs. I liked them a lot.”
“Oh. Thank you.”
“The little bows on top…” He scanned the plates in front of us. “Do you want dessert?”
I blinked at him. “I don’t…think so.”
