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I watched the bubbles pop in my glass, trying not to tear up. “How can you say that, after the way you’ve lived all these years? After the way you’ve missed mom?”
“When you love someone, you’ll understand. I wish you’d realize that love’s not as scary as you think.” He sighed. I could hear the squeak of him settling into his favorite chair. “My sweet daughter,” he said gently. “Why are you afraid of everything? Why don’t you just live? You don’t have forever. Nobody has forever. You should think about that.”
“If you learn to manipulate time, I’ll have forever.” I was being a bitch. I deserved to have my face slapped, for real this time, but he wasn’t that kind of father. He only tsked at me, and gave another sigh.
“Even if I could manipulate time, there would still be moments you shouldn’t miss, those magical things that happen in real time, every day. You know what I mean? When you think about it, you have to have somewhere—or someone—to travel to.”
Scientifically, that wasn’t accurate, but Devin appeared in my head like a continent on a map.Here be Devin. He’ll love you. He’ll protect you. He saved your life.
“Dad, I should go,” I said. “I’m in a bad mood.”
“Why, honey?”
I heard another creak as he got comfortable in his old chair, which used to be my mother’s chair. I called him a bad father, but he made time when he needed to, time to sit down and be there for me.
“It’s just…the pilot, you know?” I pressed my fingers to my eyes, wondering why I was going here with my father, of all people. “We kind of broke up in a bad way. Not that we were dating, but I liked him. I was just…too afraid to let things get serious.”
“Hmm. Did your pilot want things to get serious?”
“I don’t know. I think so. I mean, he would have tried it, because he’s the kind of person who can do anything—”
“Tried it? You mean love? He would have tried to love you?”
“He does love me.” I grimaced in a pointless attempt to keep my voice steady. “He did love me, and I think I loved him, but I just don’t know if I can deal with the risks. What if it’s like you and mom?”
“Me and mom?” He sounded confused. “What’s wrong with me and mom? I love her so much.”
I couldn’t take the quiet passion in his words. He meant what he said: love, present tense. I couldn’t bear it. My tears gushed out, emotion choking me. “I can’t deal with that. Loving someone who’s gone.”
“Why, gone? What’s happened to your pilot?”
“Nothing. Devin’s fine. His name is Devin, and nothing’s happened to him, but what if something does? He flies planes for a living. We met during a freaking crash, dad.”
“What? You were in a plane crash? Honey, you have to tell me these things.”
I put my head back against the sofa cushion and beat it there a couple of times. “We were almost in a crash, but he saved us. He’s a good pilot.”
“Then why are you worried?”
“Because mom died.”
My father was silent a moment in sympathy for me, who still hadn’t gotten over this thing, this fact that my mom had died, even though love was stronger than death.
“You’re a scientist,” he said when he spoke again. “You know that things die. I’ll die, your pilot will die, you’ll die, but something comes before that, honey, and that’s life. Experiences and laughter, and memories. Maybe children, maybe animals that become part of your heart. What’s his name again? Devin?”
“Yes,” I said, sniffling. “Some of his friends call him Dev.”
“He’s alive, isn’t he? Right now?”
I thought of Devin that night at The Gallery, pushing Milo off me, avenging wrongs that weren’t wrongs, his eyes on fire.
“He’s very alive,” I said. “He’s the most alive person I know.”
“Then maybe you need him. He might help your bad mood.”
“He probably would, but it’s too late for us.”
“Too late?” My dad’shmmwas sharp rather than pensive. “If you won’t believe me, believe Albert Einstein: Time is a relative term.”
