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Because that was the kind of shit friends did. I needed her in my life, even if her closeness threatened my sanity and self-control.
*
I didn’t thinkI’d be able to sleep at all with Alice in the guest room, considering it was just down the hall from my sex dungeon, but I did, drifting in and out of sensual dreams. I finally fell into a deeper sleep around five or six in the morning. It lasted until ten, when I woke to a silent apartment, and a small note propped against the pillow beside me.
Milo,
I’m so embarrassed about the way I acted last night. I shouldn’t have opened the box on all my crazy feelings, because I knew you didn’t want me to. I did it anyway, and I regret the discomfort I caused. I’m heading home so you don’t also have to deal with an awkward breakfast.
Still, thanks for showing me your Strad, and for kissing me. You’re really good at it. (Both things. Playing the Strad and kissing.)
Yourfriend,
Alice
I looked around my bedroom, alarmed that I’d slept so late. I didn’t have to be anywhere, I was just upset that I’d slept through her exit. How had she gotten home? Had she walked to the Michelin building alone in the early morning darkness? I didn’t have her phone number to check that she got home all right. Damn it.
I needed some coffee. I headed toward the kitchen, then heard a soft snort from Blue. He was lying on the sofa nearest the fireplace, cuddling as well as he could against Alice’s reclining form. She’d pulled a blanket over herself, and slept with one arm tossed above her head. The other rested on Blue’s back.
So she hadn’t made it home yet. Good. She looked so comfortable on my couch with my dog, so cute and domestic. So sweet.
Too sweet.
While the coffee brewed, I picked up my phone from where I’d tossed it on the counter. As soon as I checked it, it rang, flashing my father’s number. I sent his call to voicemail, but one ring was enough to wake Alice. She blinked at me in the daylight sun, confused for a moment.
“Good morning,” I said.
“Good morning. I didn’t leave after all.”
“I see that.”
She ran her hand up Blue’s back. “He wouldn’t let me go out the door. Well, he didn’t want me to leave, and I was afraid he’d bark and wake you up.”
I fiddled with the coffee machine to hide my nerves. She was still here. We’d kissed. Things definitely still felt awkward. “Coffee?” I asked.
“Thanks. That sounds good.”
“Cream and sugar?”
“Just sugar.”
I could feel her eyes on me as I poured coffee into mugs and doctored hers with some sugar packets I kept around for my mom. “You didn’t have to sleep on the couch,” I said, stirring her drink.
“I intended to slink out of here before you woke up. That was a fail.”
“Awkward breakfasts are underrated.” I carried her coffee over and met her eyes, so she’d know everything would be okay. “There’s a great breakfast place downstairs on the corner. Blue, you wanna go out, boy?”
My dog detached himself from Alice’s side with a luxurious stretch and yawn, and followed me down the hall to his fake lawn on the back balcony. It was cold, so Blue did his business quickly, then skittered back inside, ready to eat breakfast and sleep for a few more hours. Alice curled on the couch while I fed Blue and changed his water. She drew her blanket around her like a shield, looking as disheveled as I felt.
“Oh, your phone rang while you were outside,” she said.
I checked the screen. My dad again. Whatever he wanted, it would have to wait, because I had no idea what to do with Alice now that daylight had come. Take her to breakfast, obviously. But what to say then, when we were facing each other across a table? Last night had happened, and neither of us would forget it, not for a while.
“It’s okay,” she said, as I looked at her in ponderous silence. “I get it. I understand.”
“What do you understand?”
“The friendship thing.” She shrugged. “I thought about it last night, and I get the reason you can’t see us surviving as a couple. You’ve known me too long. You knew me when I was immature and annoying.” She made a face. “Maybe I still annoy you.”
