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“Yes.” His fingers stopped in my hair, then started up again. “I’m glad you said ‘we.’ I don’t want this to just be about me. I mean, I don’t want you to do things you don’t like because I…” His voice trailed off.
I laughed softly. “I’m pretty sure I liked everything you did to me, even the painful stuff I didn’t like. I think those things turned me on most of all.”
“Alice…” He studied me for a long, silent moment. “You’re not just saying that because you want us to work, are you?”
“No. I’m not. Do you think I’d lie to you?”
“It’s important. Lala. Alice. Listen.” He cradled my face in his hands. “It’s important to me that you don’t settle for something in this relationship that’s not your absolute ideal. That wouldn’t be okay.”
“Do you think I can fake the things my body did? They were real reactions.” I was getting kind of upset. This wasn’t the type of pillow talk I wanted.
“Shh. Okay. I believe you. But if we…if we do this thing…this relationship…you’re going to have to get used to me checking in. Not for you, but for me. You know I don’t…” He ducked his head and pressed his lips to my cheek. “I don’t want to hurt you. Not in a bad way.”
I turned my face so he would kiss my lips. I didn’t like seeing him so worried, and I tried to express all the willingness and tenderness I felt as we ran our hands over each other’s bodies. When we parted with a sigh, I threw my arms around him.
“I’m so happy. We should be happy, Milo. Wearekind of compatible.”
“Kind of?” He smiled, and I hoped—oh God, I hoped—everything would be okay. “We’re compatible, yes. I’m starting to believe that, but we have to keep the lines of communication open. You’re still a mostly-beginner. Yes, even with all the things I’ve done to you,” he added, heading off my protest.
“I’d hate to see what I have to go through to not be a beginner anymore.” I pouted, then brightened. “I guess we’ll just have to keep doing more kinky scenes.”
“That should be easy. Seems to happen with the two of us whether we want it or not.”
“And that club you like, the one Juliet and Ella told me about? Maybe we could work up to that too.”
He studied me, perhaps considering my worthiness to be invited into that secret enclave. “Maybe. The Gallery would be a big step.”
“After The Gallery, I wouldn’t be a beginner anymore, would I?”
He narrowed his eyes, giving me what I had come to think of as his “Dominant” look. “This is hard for me, you know.”
“What is?”
“Being rough with you. Putting marks on you and bringing you deeper into the lifestyle.” He parted my thighs, tracing the lingering red marks the Lucite rod had left on my pussy lips. “It’s hard bringing you down from your pedestal to hurt you.”
“I was never on a pedestal, unless you put me there.”
“We come to the crux of the problem. I put you up there a long time ago. This is going to take some time for me, Alice.”
“That’s fine.” I said it quickly. I didn’t want him to think too much about why he shouldn’t hurt me. I just wanted him to hurt me again. “We can take as long as you like. Just know that I loved tonight, and I’d love to go with you to The Gallery, when you think I’m ready for it. If you wanted me to go.”
“What if I take you to The Gallery and you find another Dominant you like more than me?”
He said it in a jokey way, but there was some deeper emotion. Possessiveness? Jealousy? Surely he knew I’d never love anyone more than him. No one else could give me the history, the kindness, the talent, the connection running through our veins. I didn’t care about playing with other men, except that it might excite him, and deepen our power-exchange bonds.
“Stay here tonight?” he asked, changing the subject.
“Yes, Sir. That would be great.”
“And move back in tomorrow? Blue would love it.”
“And you?” I asked, laughing.
“I’d love it more. I’d carry your shit here myself from Lower Manhattan. Carry it on my fucking back like a pack mule.”
He kissed me then, but with some wistfulness, some reserve beneath the love and warmth. I knew some part of him was still afraid he’d hurt me by accident. And what if things didn’t work out? What would we do? How could we overcome that?
I huddled against him, pushing those possibilities away. I loved him more than I thought I’d ever love anyone. We were bound by fate to make this relationship work.
