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“I’m just helping your dad out,” I tell her gently, my heart thumping wildly in my chest at her crestfallen expression. “We aren’t getting married.” I think my face might match hers for some strange reason.
There’s no way I should want anything more to do with this man, but I know that deep inside him, there’s a glacier, and he’s only letting us see the small iceberg at the very top. He’s complicated and standoffish and downright rude at times, but I also see glimpses of the man he probably was before life dealt him a harsh blow.
When he talks about his charity, or his parents, or his daughter, he lights up from the inside. And I want that man all the time. Not the one who says negative words to answer innocent questions.
“But you are dating?” Ivy asks, seeming as confused as I am about the whole thing.
“Kind of,” Simon says, taking the reins of the conversation.
I blow out a breath. I didn’t realize that my hands had been clenched into tight fists in my lap until I feel my fingernails cutting into my palms.
I slowly release and flex them as Simon tries to explain, “For the sake of the show, we are together, but in real life, we aren’t. She’s just your nanny.”
“Just your nanny.”
Thanks for putting me in my place, Simon. Thanks for squashing the delusions of grandeur I was having.
“So, you are lying?” Ivy’s eyes dart between Simon and me.
I bite back a laugh. She’s not wrong. We are together under false pretenses.
“No. Yes. I’m—” Simon looks at me.
I shrug, fully giving him the floor. It’s his daughter and family after all. I’m just the nanny.
“The show isn’t real. It’s entertainment for television, and I’m playing a part along with Miss Alice.”
“Why?”
“Why am I playing a part?”
Ivy nods.
“Well … great question.” Then, Simon goes silent.
Ivy and I stare at him expectantly, but he stares out the window to our left. Unseeing. I can feel my leg start to shake, and I push on it with one hand, stilling the nervous tic until he decides to answer.
“I actually don’t know what I’m doing. Or why I’m doing it. I thought I did,” Simon says, bringing his attention back to us, and instead of looking at Ivy, he stares at me. “I thought I did,” he repeats. “All right, who is ready for some dinner?” he asks, clapping his hands and rubbing them together with a grin.
Hold up. That’s how he’s going to leave the conversation?
“Daddy?” Ivy asks, biting her lip.
“Yes? You are? Great!” Simon is acting a little manic, and I’m not sure why.
I get that it’s a tough conversation, especially when you don’t have all the answers and a child expects you to. But, jeez, this is a little overkill.
“Yeah, I’m hungry,” she says with a tiny sigh.
She widens her eyes at me, and I cover my mouth, slightly giggling. The look on her face as she grins at me makes me feel like we are sharing a secret. And I think the secret is that her dad has finally lost it.
I just wonder if he will let me put him back together.
An hour later, we are seated at Bertha’s Diner for an early dinner. We are one of only two groups right now, so it’s quiet, but I don’t mind it. I’m sitting in a booth with Ivy on my side and Simon on the other, and he’s got his head buried in the menu. Then, once we order, he’s on his phone.
Ivy and I are playing tic-tac-toe on the little paper place mats they laid out.
“Got you again, Miss Alice,” she says with a giggle.
