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Billie licked her ice cream and shook her head. “I think you’re making a mistake to leave so much unsaid.”
“If it’s meant to be, she’ll find her way back to me.”
Billie pursed her lips. “You know that old saying about loving someone and letting them go to see if they come back is horseshit, right? If you love someone, you fight for them. You tie them up to keep them, if that’s what you need to do.”
I wished that were true, but the only kind of tying up Lala wanted from me was to the headboard when we fucked.
***
That evening, Lala and I were on our way to One if by Land, Two if by Sea to have dinner and celebrate her last night in New York. Was it really a celebration, though? It felt more like the end of something.
I’d called a car to come get us.
The mood was somber as Lala leaned her head on my shoulder. We both gazed out at the city lights from the backseat. My nose was buried in her soft curls. It still hadn’t fully hit me that tomorrow she’d be gone. I felt numb.
Then my phone vibrated. When I looked down, I saw it was a group text from my manager to the band, and the first word was: URGENT!
I clicked on it.
Daisy: URGENT! You guys, I need you to get down to The Palace stat. The band that was supposed to be playing there tonight had to bail. They called to see if you were available. Of course, I told them yes. Show starts in an hour. If you don’t have time to grab your stuff, they have a house set of instruments.
“Shit,” I muttered.
Lala lifted her head off me. “Who’s that?”
I didn’t want to explain because I planned to refuse to go. But I had to tell her.
“My manager. She wants us to get down to The Palace to play tonight.”
“The Palace?” Lala’s eyes widened. “Even I’ve heard of The Palace. That’s huge. You need to go.”
Despite the fact that my phone was now blowing up with messages from my stoked bandmates, I still insisted that I couldn’t abandon her again, like I had when I’d chosen California over accompanying her home for the weekend.
“No. Fuck that. It’s your last night here. I’m telling her I can’t.”
My fingers were on the keypad when Lala reached her hand over mine to stop me. “You can’t. If you don’t play, no one plays.”
“No,” I insisted. “They can find another drummer to replace me for the night. There are plenty of guys in our circles champing at the bit for that opportunity.”
She shook her head. “No, Holden. It needs to be you.” Lala sighed. “You haven’t come this far to refuse big opportunities like playing at The Palace. Besides, what makes you think I’d rather go out to eat than see you play one more time before I leave the City? We’ll still be together. And I truly love watching you perform. It brings me so much joy.”
My chest tightened. There were two things in this world that brought me joy. Music and her.
Before I could refute it anymore, Lala turned to the driver. “Can you please take us to The Palace instead? I realize that it’s in the opposite direction. I apologize. We’ve had a change in plans.”
The man nodded and turned around at the next intersection.
By the time we arrived at the club, there was barely any time to think. Monroe arrived shortly after we did, followed by Dylan and our guitarist, Kevin. Lala watched as we set up, and within thirty minutes, we were on stage performing.
This show felt especially powerful, not only because of my emotional state tonight, but because I could see Lala clearly in the audience. I particularly loved watching her reaction to my solo. I wondered if this was the last time I’d get to experience having her with me while I played, but I tried to shake that thought from my mind.
Song after song, I beat the shit out of those drums, needing to take out my frustration on something. We definitely rocked it out there, though. The crowd went wild after each and every song, and I suspected we’d be invited back here, on our own merit next time.
When our set ended, I couldn’t fly off that stage fast enough. I abandoned my sticks and ran down to meet Lala in the crowd.
She wrapped her hands around my face. “You’re so amazing, Holden. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are to watch?”
I lifted her up, spinning her around, and kissed her long and hard. “Everything I did up there tonight was for you. All I cared about was whether you were watching me.”
“Are you kidding?” She ran her fingers through my hair. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”
