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Each flicker of her emotions sliced and diced me. How had I thought this was a good idea? It was too much for anyone to handle. But I’d gone this far, and I would explain what she heard and answer her questions. At this point, I had nothing to lose because I was pretty sure I’d already lost Brie all over again.
“Where did this take place?” She stared at me with unwavering intensity.
I swallowed down my fear. Brie deserved the whole truth. At least it might help her answer some of the questions about her past.
Standing, I held my hand out to her. “I’ll show you.”
Madeline met us in the hall, then led us to the room I considered mine. Again, she left us, but I knew she was close by.
Wordlessly, I walked to the rug and rolled it back, revealing the trap door on the floor. The sound of the locks popping open broke the silence, then I lifted it. “Come on. I’ll leave this open.”
I watched as Brie lowered herself down the ladder and into the pit. Once she was there, I joined her. Frozen in place, I listened to my pulse roar in my ears. Every time I climbed into the hole, I realized there was no escaping the pain regardless of where I was.
Brie’s entire body violently shook. “Th-they kept you in a hole?” She covered her mouth as her cries broke free. “Kane. Oh, God.” She sank to her knees. “I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, babe. It’s not your fault. If I had to make the same choice again, I would. You got out, and that’s all that mattered.”
“It’s not okay. Nothing about this is okay.”
“Can I hold you?” I was afraid to touch her. What if it sparked memories of her own?
Brie reached for me, and I wrapped her in my arms. At least she was here for the moment, and that might be all I have left once she processed everything.
“How can you come back to this over and over?” Her voice sounded as broken as my heart.
“Sometimes it’s healing since I have control over how it plays out. Other times, it’s self-punishment if I fucked up a game or some shit.”
Brie looked at me while the tears streamed down her cheeks. “I’m afraid to ask, but I need to hear the rest. What else did they do to you?”
I placed a kiss against her forehead, grateful that I was able to hold her while I talked. It helped me as much as it did her.
“Rape was the kindest thing that happened to me after you left. For whatever reason, I hadn’t gotten any of the women pregnant, so the rapes stopped, but it had fucked me up in the head. Now, I can only come from a blow job, jerking off, or if I fuck someone while trapped in a hole underground. I’ve always faked it otherwise. A fact I’ve hidden from everyone.”
Brie’s mouth dropped, then she slammed it closed. “That’s why you didn’t get off that night at the society.”
My head hung in shame. “You’re the only person I’ve told. Now Madeline knows, but she’s not my concern. You are.” I wondered if Brie would still choose me after what she’d just learned, but I couldn’t handle thinking about it yet.
“You said they sewed your mouth shut?” She ran her fingertip over my upper lip.
“Yeah. Because I wouldn’t tell them where you were or where you were going. They assumed we had a meeting place since everything came to light once you had made it out. I told them we were in love, and you weren’t a virgin anymore. I thought maybe they wouldn’t look for you if they knew. My plan to protect you backfired.”
“I was never worth what you went through. No one is.” She hiccupped through her tears.
I tipped up her chin. “That’s where you’re wrong. I would move heaven and earth to protect you. I’m not sure you feel the same about me now that you know my secret.”
Brie stood. “Kane, I know I have feelings for you, but this is a lot to digest. I need some time to deal with what you went through because of me.”
An arrow of grief pierced my sternum, but I had to give her what she needed. “I understand.”
Emotionally and physically exhausted from sharing my secret, I helped Brie out of the hole, then followed her. Closing the trap door, I swore I would do everything possible to get past the trauma if she stayed with me. Not even the pit was worth losing the love of my life. I would find another way.
ChapterThirty-Five
Brie
Ithought I could do it. Kane had been so supportive when I pulled out the handcuff, but his secret was on an entirely different level.
Kane dropped me off at home and hugged me goodnight. The moment I closed the door and set the alarm, I crumpled to the floor, distraught over what I’d learned. I was confused about how Kane found peace reliving his trauma, but he was as chained to his past as I was.
