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I walked to my bedroom, undressed, and located my pajamas. Staring at the wrist cuff, I gasped for air as I sat on the edge of the bed and massaged my temples. My vision flickered in and out, and my heart threatened to leap from my chest.
The scent of fresh dirt slammed into me, and I sucked in a sharp breath. “I’m okay. I’m safe. I’m not in the pit with Kane.” I pinched myself, demanding that I remain in the present. Grabbing the half-full bottle of water on my nightstand, I opened then drained it. “See. I’m good. Kane’s trauma is over. He’s safe, too.”
I placed my bare feet on the floor and wiggled my toes in the carpet, anything to help me stay calm. Staring at the bathroom door, I focused on the doorknob and placed my hand on my heart. “I love fall. I love the way the air smells as summer changes to autumn. I love the way the leaves rustle in the wind, changing to yellow, orange, and deep red. I love pumpkin lattes and the rain pattering against my window. I love Mom’s homemade chili and my favorite light-pink sweater …” I took a breath, allowing myself to focus on the things that made me happy. Alida had taught me several techniques, and this had been one of my favorites.
Feeling calmer, I reached for the remote and turned on the television. Giving myself permission to mentally check out until I felt as though I was more grounded, I started the next episode of Bridgerton. I doubted I would sleep, but I fastened the cuff and crawled under my blankets. The scent of Kane’s cologne lingered on the pillow he’d used over the weekend. Tears burned my eyes as I planted my face in it, feeling safer with a piece of him still with me. Who was I fooling? Even though I needed some time, I couldn’t walk away from him. I wasn’t sure when it had happened, but I’d fallen head over heels in love with him. The time I needed to process wasn’t about not wanting to be with him, but about whether I would be enough. With both of us having lived a horrifying past, could I be that person to love and support him no matter what and still show up for myself? The need to know where we were from was strong enough to drive me into darkness, but I was desperate to patch the hole inside and feel like I belonged.
I rubbed my temple, attempting to relieve some stress. Thank God I would talk to Alida the next day. The poor lady was about to get an earful.
* * *
“Strip.”
I stared at my mother, horrified. “I’m sorry! Please don’t do this, Mom!”
“You broke the law, Lyndsay. Your punishment has been decided by the elders. Now, strip.”
My legs trembled so hard I wasn’t sure if I would be able to stand much longer. My cries shook my shoulders as I removed my white floor-length gown, leaving me only in my white panties.
“On your knees,” a male voice said as he approached me, his hands behind his back.
My palms covered my budding breasts, but my mother pulled them away and grabbed my hair. “Kneel.”
“Mom, please don’t. Please!”
Her facial expression never changed as she forced me to my knees.
“Do you understand that you have sinned, Lyndsay?”
“No! I don’t understand what I did wrong.”
Mother jerked my head back, then the man slapped me. The sting of his palm jarred me into silence.
“You’re telling me that you didn’t know not to touch a young man?”
Shocked, I glanced up at the older man in front of me. “Bobby and I were playing hide-and-seek.” My voice wobbled as I attempted to explain.
Without another word, the man moved his arms, revealing what was in his hands—a whip.
“Repeat after me.”
My tears fell to the floor as I sucked in a breath.
“God, hear my pleas of forgiveness for the corruption in my heart. Forgive me for touching the forbidden, wanting it for myself instead of what you have commanded. I am a daughter of David, following in his light and footsteps. As his chosen, I am no longer an individual, but a member of his family. I will save myself for the elders.”
His brown shoes caught my eye as he moved. Then, I heard the whip before the leather straps connected with my back, and my screams filled the room, begging him to stop.
It felt like an eternity later when the beating stopped, but I was nearly unconscious.
“Two days in the hole. She has to be dealt with before it’s too late.”
Oh, God! Not the hole. I was lifted off the floor, trying to focus on my surroundings, but my eyes were blurry from crying. The cold air stirred around me as I was put down again. Curling into a ball, the creak of a door reached my ears … then total darkness.
* * *
“Brie! Brie!”
My eyes flew open, and a scream tore from my throat.
