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Pushing away the obnoxious words, I walked to the hole in the floor and used the ladder to lower myself down. Madeline closed me in, and the sound of the lock rang through the small space. Complete darkness enveloped me, easing my mental pain.
“Hello?” a soft female voice asked.
“I need a minute.” I spread my arms, placing my palms against the cold dirt walls. The hole was tiny, maybe 6x8, but probably not even that big. I inhaled, clearing my mind of anything except where I was. It was so dark that I couldn’t see the other person with me, but they couldn’t see me either, which was exactly what I wanted. Anonymity.
“On your fucking knees,” I ordered, my cock responding immediately.
Small hands gripped my hips, then she ran her tongue along the tip of my dick. Threading my fingers through her hair, I allowed myself to take control of my past by reliving it in the present. But this time, I dictated the fucked-up, twisted narrative.
ChapterFive
Brie
“I’m going to head out early.” I tucked my hair behind my ear, inhaling the fresh, crisp evening air. It felt good on my clammy, sweaty skin. I had danced so much with the girls and Mason that my boyfriend jeans and baby blue crop top clung to me from the sweat. At least my deodorant hadn’t flipped me off and failed.
“Are you sure you don’t want to crash at our place?” Gabby asked. “Everlee and Leighton are hooking up, so they won’t be home until the morning.”
“We’re going to Gabby’s, too!” Teagan bounced out the front door and joined us on the paved driveway in front of the house. She brushed strands of her dark hair from her face, her cheeks flushed from the heat of the crowded party.
“Yup,” Ariana said, popping herploudly and then giggling. “We have a designated driver, so if you want to join us at Gabby’s, you should. We have all the dirt from the party tonight.”
Jagger sidled up to her and slid his arm protectively around her waist. “I’ll be there, too. I’m not sure who else will end up there, but I’m the designated driver.”
A jab of envy pierced my heart, but more than that, something familiar flickered in the back of my brain with Jagger’s movements. He reminded me of someone, but I was too tired to figure out who. Unease swirled inside the pit of my stomach, but I attempted to brush it off.
I’d had a few drinks over the last several hours, so I was fine to drive home. “As much as I would love to stay with you, I’ll have to take a rain check,” I said apologetically.
Gabby pushed her lower lip out in a pout, then smiled. “Okay, bitch, but I won’t take no for an answer next time.” She wobbled over to me and gave me a quick hug, clearly drunk.
“Promise.” I gulped down my lie, hoping she wouldn’t remember that I’d agreed to sleep at her place at some point. I wish I could, but it wasn’t in the cards. A sharp pain stabbed my chest as I wondered if I would ever belong somewhere and if the gaping hole in my heart would heal.
“Text me tomorrow.” She winked at me, then blew me a kiss. I caught it and laughed.
“Jagger, do you need help getting them to the car?” I asked.
His low chuckle warmed me, and I took a step backward, not understanding my reaction to him. I mean, he was hot as hell with his black hair and ice-blue eyes, but he was Ari’s boyfriend and off-limits. What bothered me even more was that I wasn’t attracted to him—not physically, at least. A distant thought danced in the back of my mind, but my exhausted brain couldn’t grab hold of it.
“I’ve got it. Are you sure you’re good to drive? I can drop you off. It’s not a problem,” Jagger assured me.
“I’m good. Thanks, though.” I appreciated the fact that he cared enough about his girlfriend’s friends to ensure they arrived home safely.
A silly smile coasted over Ari’s face. “He’s the best. I love him sooo much.” She swayed slightly, then placed her hand on his chest and glanced up at Jagger as if he’d hung the stars in the sky all by himself.
My heart flip-flopped. I would never have what Ari and Jagger had. Hell, I couldn’t even allow anyone to get close enough to share my secret with them. Only one person other than my parents and therapist knew. My new friends would judge and ask a million questions, and I wasn’t sure how to answer them.
Feeling out of place, I took another step away from the group. “I’ll talk to you guys later. Have a good one.” Before anyone could try to twist my arm into staying, I whirled around and hurried toward my car.
Finally arriving at the house, I tossed my keys onto the kitchen counter and headed to my bedroom. Once I changed clothes and brushed my teeth, I checked to ensure the sliding glass door was secure and attempted to close the lame vertical blinds. Maybe I could replace them with ones where the slats didn’t leave gaping holes to see through.
Leaning against the window, I stared into the little backyard, recalling playing bubbles with Conner a week ago. Mom and Dad had mentioned on our last call that he was having a tough time adjusting without me. Shit, he wasn’t the only one. A deep yearning pulled at me. It was hard being so far away from home, and at times, I wondered if I would make it. I had to, though. I had to prove to myself that I could make it through anything and stand on my own two feet.
Raising my hands above my head, I stretched and yawned, the tattoo on my lower abdomen catching my attention. I traced the red roses that weaved around the blue and green eye. Frowning, I attempted to remember when I’d added the flowers, but apparently, I’d been so drunk with friends in Tennessee I’d blacked out and forgotten. Everlee thought I hadn’t ever drunk alcohol, but she hadn’t let me finish. I drank a lot in Tennessee and blacked out often, sending me into a full-on panic when I couldn’t remember shit. I’d promised myself I would slow down when I moved to Oregon.
I sank onto the edge of the mattress, the evening’s events playing through my mind. Mason had asked me out to a movie next weekend, and I’d agreed. He was sweet and cute, but I knew he wasn’t my type. Plus, I’d just ended a long-term relationship and wasn’t ready to lock myself into a commitment again. Before moving to Oregon, I’d promised myself that I would take my time and have fun. I wanted to have new experiences, meet new people, and make decisions that I wanted to make. Not ones that my therapist or parents had put into place.
I tugged on the pink tank top of my matching pajamas, loneliness blanketing me. At times, I’d felt my family had been controlling, but they’d always had my best interest at heart. The structure had been precisely what I needed over the last several years, but attending Whitmore University was something I was doing on my terms.
Stifling a yawn, I stared at the lamp on my nightstand that burned a soft white light. For whatever reason, I found it calming. I stood, then turned down the peach comforter and blankets before I crawled beneath them, snuggling deep into the bed. I glanced at my alarm clock. It was almost one in the morning, and I was ready to get some sleep.
