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“But… It’s a really fucked up situation, Mills. I… I don’t know if I can do it.”
“What exactly?”
“Be with him.” I groaned in frustration and not being able to tell her the whole truth. “He has an unusual job. He is a very dangerous man, Millie. He is… above the law.” That was the best I could do. There was a long pause.
“Dangerous how?”
“I can’t say. That’s how dangerous it is.”
She breathed deeply. “Shit. But he isn’t hurting you? You are not in danger?”
I shook my head. I wasn't going to tell her that actually just being associated with him put me in danger. That wasn’t what she meant. “No. No, he would never hurt me. I trust that.”
“Okay. So let me get this straight. You meet a man who wants to be with you but you aren’t sure if you can be with him because of his dangerous job.”
I smiled. “Pretty much. There is more, but I won’t get into it all. He is extremely protective and possessive, but it's not like Henry. It's because he cares. I still don’t like it, but I know he is trying. He’s trying to be better for me. I just don’t know if it's enough.”
I could almost hear her brain frantically trying to piece it all together. “Does he know? About Henry.”
“Yes. He knows what happened. I told him.”
“Liv, that is huge! You never tell anyone.”
“I know,” I sighed.
“Have you slept with him?” I smirked at the curiosity and excitement in her tone. She was the only person who knew how difficult sex has been for me the last five years apart from my therapist.
“Yes. Quite a few times now.”
“Oh my god! You have? This is serious Liv! Do you love him?”
The question had me halting my incessant pacing as my heart pounded in my chest.
“I – I think so.” I have never been in love before. I wasn’t sure how it was meant to feel. But I knew that my feelings for him were unlike anything I had ever experienced.
“Fuckitty fuck!”
I laughed loudly. She was already making me feel better. “Then I say, your choice has already been made. As long as he is good to you and you trust him, I think you should go for it. And… you say he has a dangerous job. Can he protect you? From Henry?”
My eyes widened as I realised that there was no one better out there who could protect me from that monster. “Yes. He can.”
“Win win. Maybe, in some fucked up way, you were meant to find him.”
I sat down on the sofa as I processed her words. It was a nice way to look at it. That fate had brought us together when I needed him the most. Millie was right. I had never felt safer than when I was in his arms. But can I really accept the rest of it? The control? The possessiveness? The brutality of his world?
“Liv. I need to tell you something. I wasn’t sure if I should say, but now I know you have someone who is looking out for you…”
“What is it?” Bile rose in my throat as I waited for her next words. I knew it would be about him.
“He broke into my family's house last week. Ransacked the place. Luckily, none of us were there and I don’t think he found anything, but it was still scary. He is getting desperate, Liv,” her voice was a low whisper and I could feel her fear through her tone. I gulped down my instant guilt.
“Mills, I am so sorry! It’s all my fault… your family…” I choked.
“They are fine! Everyone is fine. The police have 24-hour surveillance on us now. He would be crazy to come back again.”
I exhaled a shaky breath as my hands trembled. “He has stayed completely hidden this entire time. We cannot even be sure it was him but…”
“It was him.” I said sternly. I knew it in my bones. “The police are no closer to finding him?”
