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“And I should be thankful? You are the reason I am in this mess with them! Just go back to your fiancé Giovanni!” I spat and his nostrils flared.
“Don’t push me Liv, or I just might,” he growled, and I wanted to slap him. So badly I wanted to slap him. And kiss him. How can one man cause such conflicting and intense emotions in me at the same time?
“Good! Go fuck her to forget about me! That’s what you're good at!” I shouted and he stood up glaring. Thank God the driver slammed his foot on the accelerator, and we sped off because that look on his face was terrifying. I threw my shaking hands over my face as I fought back the tears that were threatening to spill. That was it. I knew I had pushed him away. It was what I needed to do, so why did it feel so wrong?
∞∞∞
I smiled as I watched Raya and Sani chasing each other happily around the park. There were about five of Giovanni’s men placed strategically around the children’s playground and I would have laughed at how ridiculous they all looked standing guard over two children if I wasn’t feeling so dead inside.
“I need to apologise to you Liv,” Elle's soft voice came next to me as we stood awkwardly next to each other leaning against the metal fence. “I hope you don’t hate me for not telling you who we are.”
“I don’t hate you, Elle. I was hurt, but I understand your position. I don’t judge you for who you are or what family you come from. You are still my friend,” I smiled at her sideways and she locked eyes with me.
“He is really sorry, you know? He knows he messed this up but he is really trying to fix it all Liv. Please just give him a chance,” she pleaded in a broken voice. I sighed loudly and wrapped my arms around my body protectively. “You are the only one who can save him.”
I narrowed my eyes at her in confusion. “What are you talking about? Save him from what?”
“From himself. You bring out a softer side to him. You make him lighter and a better person, Liv. Without you in his life, I worry about him. He will lose himself to his duty and I fear the kind of man he will become.”
I turned my head away from her and watched the children playing happily. As much as that pained my heart to hear, I didn’t believe it to be entirely true. Everyone seemed to think I had some kind of magical power over this man, but that was insane. I had only known him for a few weeks and we had only been together for a few days. He would have been the way he was in France with his family if I was there or not.
“I’m sorry. I know that it is unfair of me to put that on you. But it is true. You make him happy, Liv. And that is something he hasn’t been for a very long time.”
“He is engaged, Elle. I know it is an important alliance. I can't see how he will get out of it. Please, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
She folded her arms across her chest as she respected my wishes and stopped talking. After a few moments of silence, she asked, “What will you do now?”
I shrugged my shoulders. I couldn’t tell her my plans to leave. She would tell Giovanni or Cecilia for sure and they would try and stop me. “I don’t know yet.”
“The bambinis are going to really miss you. We all are,” she whispered. I sniffed, holding back the sudden emotions that surfaced. I was an emotional wreck at the moment. The truth was I was going to miss this family too. So much. I had grown so close to these kids and the thought of saying goodbye was breaking my heart.
“I suppose it is time to tell them,” I sighed, pushing off the fence and walking over to them on the slide. I leaned on the metal frame as Sani climbed up the ropes to the top and Raya sat at the peak of the slide.
“Guys. I have to tell you something,” I tried to keep my tone light and happy. They both stopped what they were doing and looked at me. “I have to go away for a bit. I have some new places to go and things to do and I am really excited, but I am also going to miss you both so much.”
Sani’s face scrunched up in confusion and irritation and for a split second he looked the image of Giovanni. “When will you be back?” Raya asked sweetly. I stroked her cheek and gave her a sad smile.
“I don’t know. I might never come back,” I replied honestly. I couldn’t lie to them or give them false hope.
“Why? Did we do something wrong? Are we too naughty?” Sani asked bluntly and my heart broke in two. I shook my head quickly, reaching out for his hand.
“No. No, of course not. You two are the best kids in the world. You have been so amazing and I am so proud of you both. This has nothing to do with you, okay?”
“Then why are you leaving us?” He pulled his hand out of mine sharply and I saw the pain in his eyes.
“Sometimes things just happen and people need to make a change. I promise you, Sani, your mamma will find another wonderful nanny to look after you and teach you.”
“I don’t want anyone else! I want you!” He shouted, losing his temper.
“Sani,” I tried to soothe him, but the tears of anger were welling up in his eyes.
“This is Gio’s fault! I heard mamma say to Max this morning that he upset you!”
“No Sani. It’s not your brother’s fault. I just need to- “
“I hate him! And I hate you! I want to go home!” Sani pushed past Raya on the slide and whizzed down it before running to Elle. She looked up at me with worry and sadness and I fought back my own tears.
“I will miss you Liv,” Raya whispered before sliding down and hugging my legs. She ran over to Elle as they all left the park and climbed into the black SUV. I sat down at the bottom of the slide and buried my face in my hands. That could have gone better.
