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There was an awkward pause.

“And you are sure you don’t want me to come over and look after you?” My heart flipped at his words and tears brimmed in my eyes. How could this man be a violent criminal? I exhaled and shook my head as a tear slid down my cheek.

“Thank you, but no. I just need to sleep,” my voice trembled slightly as I fought to keep control of my emotions.

“Okay.” Another pause. “Will you text me later? Let me know how you are doing?”

“Yep.”

“Okay good. If you need anything, just call me.”

“Okay.”

“Are you sure you are alright, bambola? You really don’t sound yourself.”

“Gio, I am fine. Stop worrying and let me sleep,” I chuckled nervously, hoping that sounded more like myself. It seemed to work as he exhaled into the phone.

“I do worry about you. I’ll speak to you later then?”

“Yes.”

“Bambola… I miss you.”

I dropped my head in my hands as my heart took on another level of pain.

“I – I have to go.” I hung up the phone and grabbed my pillow, burying my face into it and screamed. Why did this hurt so much? Why did his lies and deceit make me feel like my heart was breaking in two? I shouldn’t care this much. I’d only known him for a few weeks! Why can’t I just cut him out of my life and be done with it? He was bad news. He will turn my world upside down and I may not survive it. So why can’t I ignore this feeling manifesting inside of me? Why can’t I let him go?

Because you love him.

Strategizing

Giovanni

“Bambola… I miss you,” I sighed. I fucking did. It hadn’t even been 24 hours since I had last seen her, but the thought of going a whole day without seeing her face or kissing her lips today had me feeling a frenzy of emotions.

“I – I have to go.”

The line went dead. Fuck. I stared at my phone and squeezed it tightly in my hand, willing it to crumble. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Was I coming on too strong? Was I scaring her off?Stop overthinking everything, Gio!

I have never been an over thinker. I was all about action. But with her, I find myself questioning everything. Something felt wrong. I know she wasn’t feeling well but there was something else in her tone. Awkwardness. She spoke to me as if she didn’t even know me just then. What was that about?

I dropped my phone onto my desk with a clatter and stretched my fingers out, allowing the sting of my red, raw knuckles to make me feel something physical. Fighting Theo last night helped me to relieve some of my anger, but he came off a lot worse than me. I had a few bruises on my body, whereas he ended up with a broken arm, cracked cheek bone and an impressive collection of cuts and bruises. He is still recovering in hospital now but face timed me earlier with a toothy grin. No hard feelings. He was my soldier and if I say, fight me, he will give as good as he's got. Clearly, it wasn’t good enough.

A knock at my door caused me to lean back in my chair as mamma poked her head around. “Did you speak to her? How is she feeling?”

She strutted over and took a seat in the armchair opposite me. “Yes. She sounds like shit. But stubborn as ever, she doesn’t want any help.”

Mamma smiled and nodded. “Women are tough. If she says she wants to be alone, respect her choice.”

I sighed deeply and played with my silver bands on my fingers, twisting them around in a rhythm.

“I am going to tell her. When she is feeling better, I am going to tell her who we are.”

To my surprise, mamma nodded her head. “That is a good idea.”

“What if she wants no part in this life? What if she leaves?” I asked calmly although my heart was pounding and my gut twisted at the thought.

“Then that is her choice. You cannot force her into something she does not want. Do you think you have done enough? Did you let her see the real you?”

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