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Amber rolled her eyes. “Neither, dippy. He’s just a hot guy who wants to get in your panties. Isn’t that enough?”
Kelsey shot her friend a wry grin. “Nothing much seems to be lately.”
“It’s only been a week, Kels. I mean, this is still really new. It’s totally normal for you to feel raw, or just fucked up. We’ve all been there.”
“Yeah, I know.” Kelsey shrugged. “I know I’m not special. Everyone has lost someone, or been dumped, or just… had things not work out.” She got up from the wicker couch on the screened-in porch. “The problem is I’m not other people. I’m me. And I can’t deal with this. How… hollowed out I feel.” She glanced back at Amber. “I’ve had breakups before. This? It’s nothing like that. Something’s just… so not right.”
“You can’t expect things to feel right again so soon.” Amber offered it as a comfort, but it was an additional reminder that it had just happened.
She could still take it all back, couldn’t she? Just… decide she’d screwed this up, too, and have, what? A do-over?
You’ve gotta stop this shit. You’re driving yourself crazy.
But it made it so much worse, that she did have the option of just going back. And yet knowing it was something she simply couldn’t do.
“Maybe it really is for the best.” She traced the frame of one of the screened-in sections with her fingers. “That I’m doing what has to be done. No matter how wrong it feels.”
Amber’s voice was soft, full of sympathy. “That wrong is just a reflection of how good the times you had were. And the memory of those times… it never goes away. Hang onto that. Remember the good things, the wonderful things. Eventually, it won’t hurt anymore—and you’ll just be left with those sweet memories.”
She was completely right, of course, but it was cold comfort.
“Has he called you? Like, at all?”
Kelsey shook her head, looking down at the floorboards. “I knew he wouldn’t. I hoped he would… but maybe it’s better this way, too. A clean break?”
But she didn’t believe it. While it might have mollified her father, leaving Max gnawed away at her, in a way she’d never experienced before. As if a piece of her had been left back there in Washington State, and ever since, it had been calling to her, pleading with her to come back. To reunite with it.
To be whole again.
What if that was the essence of how disconnected, out of sorts, and just plain wrong she felt?
Unfinished business. Roads not taken. Chances not grabbed.
Risks not faced.
“I think… I’m thinking about quitting school.”
“Kelsey, have you lost your damn mind?” Amber’s southern accent, normally quite well submerged, came roaring back at that. “You’ve only got a year and change left! If you’re worried you won’t be officially inducted back into the sorority, you can put that shit to rest. You’re already in. It’s just a matter of the formalities. Everyone’s super glad to have you back. Including me.”
“No, it’s… not that…”
“Grades then? I can help you with some of that.” Amber giggled. “Maybe a few blowjobs handed out to strategically chosen professors will help with the rest.”
“Amber!” Kelsey looked back at her, scowling, but trying not to laugh. “Not helping!” She sighed, leaning against the screen. “I just… don’t think this is the place I’m really supposed to be anymore. But where am I supposed to be then, if that’s true? God, I’m so messed up with this.”
Amber rose then, drawing close and wrapping her arms around Kelsey from behind. “I know you’re hurting, sweetie. Breakups fucking suck.”
Kelsey chuckled bitterly. “God, if only that’s what this was…”
Amber turned her around, holding her by the shoulders, her eyes wide with concern. “If it’s not a breakup, then what the hell is it?”
Kelsey squeezed her friend’s arm. “I don’t know. But it feels like the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”
Chapter 25
“Yeah, Dennis, I’ll come down… no, that’s okay. I ordered it from you. I’ll come pick it up. See you in about ten minutes.”
Max hung up, dropping the phone to the couch cushion. He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting there. He found he was doing that a lot.
