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Those feelings are still too familiar. And I don’t want them, especially from him again. A surge of rage runs through me as I close my hand. My nails dig into my palm as I focus on that pain and push out the feelings that are rising with the miserable memory I’ve worked hard to never think of again. The moment that changed everything that summer. Changedmeso completely. The one Cade wasn’t anywhere around for.
7
CADE
“You ready?” Topher asks as he plops down on the bench beside me.
I nod, my sight locked on the mascot painted on the far wall of Oakwood’s visiting team’s locker room, not a subtle mindfuck. And I appreciate that. Just painting their message loud and clear instead of lurking in the shadows… like a beast named Morgan has done all week. She’s barely spoken a word to me, and I should be happy about it. But I’m not. Again. I need her in my face, clawing my eyes out, so I know where to situate my defense. I can’t handle a silent predator. I need the screaming psycho. I’ve already been looking over my shoulder way too often, waiting for her to stab me or set something else on fire. Her simmering down her crazy won’t last. If anything, holding back will only heighten her level of batshit crazy when she does release it.
“Dude, did you hear me?” Topher breaks through my twisted thoughts as I shake my head. “I said thanks for staying on the team. I really need this more than you know.” There’s something almost desperate about how he says it. And I get that. He’s played his entire life and has planned for this, wanted this. Unlike me. I don’t know what I want. Besides staying here to drive her crazy. I knew she wouldn’t leave me alone even if I quit the team. But if I’m honest with myself—and I haven’t been much lately—Iwantto be on the field. Winning, being good, scoring and executing the plays, it’s all making me feel good. And it almost feels like a “Fuck you, I’m better off without you” to Morgan and my mom.
“Hey, Neil,” Topher calls across the room, waving him over. Neil gives me a nervous look, and it reminds me of why I shouldn’t have stepped onto the field in the first place. Fuckin’ Morgan. She even got to me because I was thinking maybe if I hadn’t played, Neil wouldn’t be scarred for life. Yeah, he’s slowly getting back to himself, but every so often, I see the horror on his face, he’s gotta be wondering what’s coming next. He relaxes a bit when Topher says, “Party at my house tomorrow night. You’d better be there.”
Neil gives me an anxious glance before saying, “I don’t know. Maybe.”
That’s a big “no thanks” in Neil language, and apparently even Topher knows that because he adds, “Come on, man. I need you there.” Topher looks to me. “Both of you. Just come by and let’s hang out. I’ll show you—things will be better. Nothing bad will happen on my watch.”
Neil gives Topher a half smile before reluctantly agreeing, but I’m not sure he’s fully on board yet. I know I’m not. And one of the reasons is clear as Lenny walks past us.
“Yo, Neily, can you get me some water? My throat’s kinda scratchy.” Lenny makes a crawling motion with his hand.
Motherfucker. I shove off the bench. “I’m gonna cut your fucking throat if you don’t back the fuck off.”
“Oh, a threat.” Lenny laughs. “Maybe I should get it on video in case I need proof.”
Another dig at Neil, reminding him that his most humiliating moment was recorded. And he’s dangling the footage over his head.
When I attempt to go after Lenny, with plans of smashing my fist into his face as hard as I can, I don’t get the chance because Topher is up, his hands shoving my chest to keep me back as he yells at Lenny, “That’s enough.”
“Oh, come on.” Lenny pouts and throws his hands in the air. “Any other time you’d be the main instigator in this. What the fuck happened to you, Toph, to make you defend the bitch boy like Crawford does?”
Topher looks over his shoulder, his voice low and stern as he says, “Last fucking warning or I’m done.”
Something gets through and Lenny’s self-preservation kicks in. He finally gives me one more smart-ass smirk before focusing back to Topher as he takes a few steps back. “You picked your side, man. Don’t forget that.”
“There’re no fucking sides here, dumbass,” Topher yells, his back to me as he throws his hands up to Lenny. “We’re all on the same team.”
Lenny saunters out of the locker room a few seconds later when Coach calls him out to the hallway. But that doesn’t release the tension from my fist that still aches to connect with that bastard’s mouth.
“I made him delete the video, I swear,” Topher tells Neil. “He’s just being a dick because he’s had a hard-on for Morgan and Savannah forever, and neither would ever give him the time of day.”
Her name is enough to make me cringe. I can relate to having a hard-on for her, but that doesn’t make me a complete ass to everyone else.
“I need to get everything set for the game.” Neil hurries off and it’s a good thing, because I have no clue what to say to make him feel better. But I don’t know why Topher is all of a sudden Team Neil when it wasn’t long ago I’d wanted to fight him for tormenting Neil.
“What’s your play? I’m not buying all this ‘we’re a team’ bullshit is coming solely out of the kindness of your heart.” I watch as he takes a seat on the bench, his elbows on his thighs as he says, “My little brother—that’s what changed. He came home from school crying with a busted lip and bruised eye—some bastard’s been picking on him.”
Ah. Makes sense.Ifhe’s telling the truth. I don’t trust any of these fuckers, but I do know he has a younger brother in grade school.
And Topher keeps trying to mount his defense. “Besides, I’m tired of this shit. I just want to get my scholarship and get the hell away from here.”
“Scholarship?” Since when does Topher Fontenot need help with tuition? He realizes he’s revealed more than intended, and his shocked expression is still in place as he takes a quick glance around to see if a bystander has heard. “I’m trusting you, Cade. This isn’t something anyone else at school knows, so I’ll know if it gets out.” He hesitates for a few seconds as he lowers his voice. “My dad lost his practice.” Topher takes another look for anyone in earshot before he continues, “Everything. He was embezzling from a few of his clients, and apparently he crossed the wrong one.”
“I get it.” A little too well. My family never could keep up with the other families in town, but we weren’t hurting. Then dad lost it all. Who would’ve ever thought in a million years that I would be sitting here with Topher relating to his family BS and actually sympathizing with the guy.
He stands and goes to walk away before he tells me, “Please come to the party. Savannah really wants to make things right with Neil. Besides, it’ll probably be one of the last parties at my place before the bank takes it.”
I think he’s telling the truth, but I’ve been burned too many times before. “If you’re setting him up, a losing season will be your last worry.”
