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“Fuck, you are a true gift, you know that? Look how well you took all my cuts. If we ever get to have this again, I'll lay you on your back so I can watch you weep.” I turn my face to the side, my lids half lidded, and he scoops a tear from beneath my eye. “Your tears should only be something I have control over. You should cry only when I want you to. If I had the choice, it would only happen while you are smiling.” He traces my tilting lips.
I want that too. My eyes leak again and I now know nothing this man could ever do will push me away. Tonight, all he did was open another side of me I didn't know was trapped, begging to break free. I don't only want to smell and see blood. I want to bleed too. But only for him.
“You ready for me to be inside you now,pequeño?”
“Si.”
His warm hand caresses the center of my back as he lines himself up with my hole. His tip presses to my entrance and he slowly slides himself inside. My thighs quiver and I open my mouth wide as I release a choking sound.
“Fuck, you feel amazing. Like everything I knew you would. I don't belong anywhere else,pequeño. Only here.”
Always here.
Nails dig into the curve of my back as he darts in and out of me, only giving me half of him. The discomfort and throb turns enjoyable the more he spreads me open, getting me used to his girth. Releasing an exasperated breath, I slowly roll my hips, earning me a moan. It's so harmonic and has me melting into the sheets. His cock pulls out all the way before being shoved back in and I can tell he's still going too easy on me. He keeps forgetting what I asked for.
“Harder,” I beg. “Fucking break me apart.”
“You take what I'm willing to give you. When I feel you're ready. This is the first time having someone inside you and I can cause serious damage if I'm not careful. Especially with your condition. I won't hurt you that way. Ever.”
“But—”
“I'd do anything for you,pequeño. Go to the ends of the fucking earth and rip out the eyes of anyone who's ever looked at you wrong. I'd toss myself in the fiery pits of hell if I had to in order for you to be happy. But I won't do this.”
Sobbing into the pillow, I realize he isn't the unhinged one. He isn't the monster in this room. I am.
“Tell me you understand,” he demands from above me, tugging on the back of my hair. My neck stretches and it hurts to swallow.
“I do.”
“Bueno.” He releases his hold and his rough tugs turn to gentle strokes. I wiggle beneath him as he goes back to fucking me slowly, taking his time going deeper.
“Look how well your hole takes me. Like it's been waiting for me all this time.”
I swallow more of him with my hole and his hips press to the back of mine. Heat flows between us and my pleasure temporarily paralyzes me. Our bodies move together in perfect motion, mixing together like water and rain. I'm coming alive and breaking apart at the same time. Strong sensations spiral in my stomach as he caresses the most sensitive part inside me and I'm floating so high up with him we both light up the sky like two bright stars. My ears and head feel as if they've been submerged under water and the whole room rocks. Fernando holds me steady with his hand pressing me harder into the mattress and an explosion of colors shoots before my eyes as I come into the pillow.
The ache runs from my shoulders to my toes, and my body's never been so used and wrecked. It doesn't matter how much my head spins or how wrung out I feel. Fernando's cool hands soothe my burning skin and the kisses he presses into my hair make me feel precious. I'd come back for this again. Over and over. Soon, I may be the thing he runs from instead of the other way around. I saw all of him tonight and I won't accept any less ever again.
Twelve
Fernando
Awarmbodywigglesagainst me and I open my eyes to the sunlight seeping through the large red curtains hanging over the hotel window. Glancing down, I smile at the way Enrico’s hair falls in his face while he sleeps and how the warm glow of the sun casts a shadow on his dark tan skin. He really is breathtaking. It took me a long time to notice and now that I do, I can't see him any other way.
I've thought about touching him again ever since my fingers were inside him in the bathroom of the club. It was hard to stop dreaming about the way he wrapped tightly around me. Then I saw him in broad daylight falling apart in front of me on the plane while his fingers gripped his dripping cock, and I knew I'd been ruined for anyone else. After fully having him the way I promised I never would, my mind, body, soul, and heart are forever his.
I didn't think it was possible to have it all until last night. Him proving me wrong only makes parting from him harder. Once we get on that plane, we will have to distance ourselves for a while, and I don't know when we'll ever be able to have us again. It breaks my heart at the idea of me and him having to leave it all behind when we exit this room. If I could be here pressed to him forever, I would. The longer we remain this way, the more dangerous it becomes. I worry more about the consequences he'll suffer than my own.
Burying my face in his neck, I kiss his warm skin, leaving small marks behind with my beard. The cuts I carved into his skin are bright red and very shallow. He took it all so beautifully. More than I hoped he would. All it did was tie us closer together, making the threads around us harder to break. Him lying beneath me crying in both pain and pleasure last night was everything I've ever fucking wanted. Everything I can't have.
I held back the way I promised I wouldn't. He wanted me to make him hate me. It was hard when all I wanted to do was stay exactly where we were. Lost in the essence of us. Where nothing felt wrong or hopeless. He stirs in his sleep; his lashes flutter but his eyes stay mostly closed.
Last night, he’d passed out by the time came back with a wet rag, antiseptic, and gauze. I cleaned him up anyway, not wanting him to be uncomfortable when he woke up or be more susceptible to an infection. I kiss him one more time before getting out of bed and grabbing bandages from the first aid kit.
He makes a few soft sounds as I cover each cut on his backside before rolling him over onto his back. I bandage the cuts on his front, and when I’ve finished, kissing each one finally has him opening his eyes. “Is it morning already?”
“Si,pequeño.”
“My father hasn't called yet?” Yawning, he stretches out his arms.
