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My dad slams the barrel into Fernando's head, causing his words to strangle in his throat.
“You want to talk about what families don't do? They don't fuck each other. Yet you did it anyway.”
The sharp edge of the hatchet pierces my dad's neck and he releases his hold on Fernando, lifting his hands in the air.
“This is ridiculous,mijo.”
“Me and him or me pressing a hatchet into my own father's neck?”
“All of it.” His words are shaky.
Tears are hot against my face. “That's because you still can't see what I can. I won't let you take away the only person who's kept me steady on my feet. You're right. He has been a father to me. More than you. He's also been my best friend, the giver of the warm hugs I needed when I could no longer hold myself up, and the man my heart beats steady for.” I wipe my eyes with my sleeve, my face aching as I hold back the floodgates building inside me. “Pull that trigger and you'll feel all the pain you'll leave me with. I'll make sure of it.”
My dad's hand trembles, his fingers moving away from the trigger, and he drops the gun. “This relationship of yours isn't right. It's—”
“It's not wrong either. Nothing about it feels that way to me. Does it feel that way with Andres?”
He shakes his head, slowly turning around. His eyes are bloodshot, and his mouth opens before closing.
“I didn't think so. You love him and that's all you can see. It's the same for me and Fernando. So much of my life has been filled with ugliness and Fernando helps me experience enough beauty for me to see past it. The same way Andres does for you.”
“I've only wanted the best for you,” he says. “It might not always seem like it but I do. You're a better person than me. You always were meant to be and I was worried you'd lose who you were so I didn't push you as hard. I tried to keep you from the most dangerous jobs until you begged to have them. It wasn't because I thought you were weak.” He sniffs. “I never once felt that way. If anything, you have always been the strongest out of all of us. I didn't want to see myself in you. You and your sister were the good in my world before Andres. I failed her. How do I know allowing this relationship won't mean I've done the same to you? How do—”
Dropping my weapons to the ground, I grab his chin with my fingers, forcing him to look at me. “You won't. You just have to trust me to find my own path. There are dangers in everything we choose in life. No matter what decision I make, someone will always be waiting around the corner, ready to end my life. If you truly love me then you'll allow me to be happy in any way I can, even if it's with a man you don't approve of.”
Inhaling a sharp breath, he slowly releases it and shakes his head. “I don't know if I can.” He looks back at Fernando and me. “It's not something that’s easy for me to accept. He's my best friend and you're my son.”
“Well fucking try. That's all I ask.” Pressing my forehead to his, I grip his face between my hands. “Do this one thing for me.”
“Okay.” He breathes out, placing his hands over mine. “I'll try. For you I'll try.” He pulls me into a hug, wrapping his arms around me, and I don't recall the last time my dad held me this way. “I might not be the best at showing it but I do love you.”
“I know.” I sag against him. “I love you too,pendejo.”
His body shakes with laughter and he pulls away. “I'm sorry for not being there the way you needed me to.”
“You still have time to work on it, amongst other things.”
“We all have lots to work on as a team and a family. We have lots of time to do it too, but for now I need some time to process everything.” He glances back at Fernando. “Tyson will be handling my affairs for the rest of the week. My son will be in charge of your duties. We'll see how well you two can work together without letting this little thing get in the way.” He gestures between us.
“Zach—”
My dad lifts his hand in the air. “I'm not ready to speak or be around you more than I have to right now. I will be in time but not anytime soon. I’ll see you in mandatory meetings but that’s it.”
Fernando nods, remaining silent. The exhaustion written on his face says he lacks the energy to argue and since my dad is trying, he probably doesn't want to do anything to change his mind. The war inside my father's head is aimed more toward his friend than it is at me, and giving him time to work through his feelings is the best thing for us to do.
“Let's go home.” He pats me on the shoulder and briefly stares back at Fernando in silence before heading to the car.
“Make sure you shower when you get there,” he shouts back at me. “You smell like death.”
Chuckling, my body sags in relief when Fernando walks toward me in one piece wearing a crooked smile. “Hey,pequeño.”
“Hey.” I rush into his arms and he breathes into my neck, rubbing his face into my shoulder.
“One day at a time,” he says. “We'll handle each one together.”
“Yeah,” I breathe. “Pretty sure you owe me a ring before this one ends, though.”
He laughs and my heart sighs in contentment.
