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Their words played in my head for days, making Austin’s and Isaac’s so loud, I struggled to reach Finn’s. I couldn’t find them again until I saw his clothes in the closet and held them to my nose. I touched the wings he last had his hands on and was his sweet dove again.
She smiles softly, shaking her head. “Benjamin doesn’t hate you and neither does Finn. Don’t give up on your brother, and don’t give up on my son either.”
I nod, unable to manage any more words with so much emotion clogging my throat. What a mess I made. I have to try and fix it. My family didn’t only get in Benjamin’s head, they got in mine too. I was so used to allowing someone else’s words to overpower mine, I pushed all of my own away when my mom and sister called me. I ignored the memories I recently shared with Finn so it would hurt less when I messaged him to leave. The ground shakes beneath me and I grip the door tighter to keep from slipping through the cracks.
Everyone saw the pictures Isaac posted. He’d wanted to hurt me more than he already had and it worked. Then I made it worse by hurting Finn. Something raw and painful claws at my insides, threatening to rip me apart.
“I have to find him and tell him I was wrong.” Because I was and I’m sorry. So much that it’s destroying me inside and out. I don’t deserve his forgiveness but I’m going to beg for it anyway. I want to earn his forgiveness the way he earned my trust—with love and patience.
“You do,” she agrees. “And you will. I just know it.”
Sniffling, I throw my arms around her neck and pull her into a tight hug. “Thank you for coming by, Lydia. And for reminding me of what I risk losing. I only hope I’m not too late.”
“Any time. You know you’re my family too, Theo.” She pats my back lightly before pulling away, her eyes hopeful.
“Yeah, I know.”
“I don’t think you are too late. Finn loves you. He needs to hear that you love him too.”
I wait until she walks back inside her house before grabbing my keys and leaving my house. I check the restaurant first with no luck. He has the day off today and tomorrow. I can’t wait two days. Parking in front of Zane’s sister’s house, I get out of the car and run to the door. No one answers until I’m walking down the porch steps.
“Theo?” a familiar voice comes from behind me. Not the one I was hoping for.
“Yeah,” I say, spinning around to face a half-awake Zane. “Have you seen or heard from Finn in the last few days?”
Sighing, he scratches the back of his head. “Yesterday. I think he was supposed to swim at the gym’s pool today.”
The gym, right. I forgot about his weekly swims. He goes at least three times a week. “Great, thanks.”
As I’m turning around, a heavy hand rests on my shoulder. “You aren’t going to make things worse, are you?”
I peer over my shoulder, meeting his skeptical expression. “What?”
“You really hurt him, you know that? I’ve never seen him like that before. He was a fucking mess. Only go searching for him if you’re planning on making shit right.”
“I am. I’ll do whatever it takes,” My voice cracks and my eyes sting as I hold back the storm brewing inside me.
“Good.” He releases my shoulder, stepping back. “He loves you, Theo. I probably shouldn’t be telling you that,” he says with an awkward chuckle. “But I think you need to know.”
My heart leaps in my throat. “I love him too.” I’m not sure when it happened. One day I saw him as a good friend and the next I didn’t want to imagine my life without him. He showed up in Lake Tahoe for me. He packed extra clothes and my favorite blanket for my nest and set up a birdnic for me. He’s done more for me than anyone else ever has and no one makes me smile or laugh the way he does. He’s the only one I want to go on trips with and crouch down for.
He’s mine and I’m his.
“Then get your ass off my porch and go tell him.”
A rumble of laughter escapes me as I rush down the steps. I wave at Zane as I’m getting in my car. He goes inside his house before I can drive off and when I finally pull onto the road, I head to the gym, hoping to find Finn in the swimming pool. I end up leaving disappointed. The girl at the front desk said he already came by and left over an hour ago. He’s been staying somewhere other than Zane’s and no one seems to know where.
Driving home in defeat, I reach my house and park in the driveway, sitting in the car for a little while, playing my music on shuffle. I crack a smile when “I Want It That Way” comes on, wishing Finn was sitting beside me to sing along with the radio. Man, I miss him. When the song ends, I turn off the car and finally retreat inside. Every room I enter is too quiet and empty. Hanging my jacket in the closet, I kick off my shoes and walk to my room, stripping off my clothes when I’m by the hamper.
My shirt hits the ground and instead of bothering to pick it up, I enter the bathroom. I flick the light switch and turn the shower on, placing my hand under the water until it’s warm enough for me to step in. The sounds of splattering water and my shuffling feet echo around me as I close my eyes before dipping my head under the stream.
Washing my hair and body doesn’t take long. After rinsing off, I spend a few minutes leaning against the wall with my eyes closed while the water hits my back.
“I hope you saved some hot water for me,” a voice says from behind me. Jumping in place, I turn around and Finn is reaching for the shampoo bottle beside me as if he’s been here the whole time. “I’m going to take your silence as a yes?” He squeezes a dime-sized amount of liquid into his palm before rubbing his hands together to create suds. My heart dances in my chest.
“Finn. You’re here.”
“Were you expecting someone else?” He tilts his head, wearing a smug expression.
