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“Of course not.”
“Also in favor of waiting, you need time to adjust.”
“Time to adjust? What do you... What?”
“Yesterday you were to be my sister-in-law—today, you’re my wife, I doubt you’re prepared for the change. In spite of what I said about you not being a prisoner, and while I know you entered into the arrangement of your own free will, it was an emotionally heightened moment, and there were a lot of reasons why our marriage made sense in terms of business. But just because all of that made sense, does not mean you and I make sense as a couple. Naturally, you will need time before you’re ready to consummate.”
She blinked, unable to wrap her mind around what he’d just said. “Need...time?”
“Naturally.”
She felt raw. Her ego wounded and scrubbed with salt. And now he was telling her what she wanted. To hell with that. “You have no idea what I’m ready for, what I want. Don’t you dare think you can tell me. I’m quite okay with sex, the idea of us having sex sits very well with me. I didn’t agree to marry you thoughtlessly, I know what being married means.”
“You’re young, Leah, naive. I will not take advantage of that. A little time for everyone to adjust to the situation is necessary.”
She felt defiant now, her pride, that pride she’d decided only a moment ago she didn’t care much about. “I don’t need time, Ajax. You could have me on this table right now if you want. Think of my sister. Hell, think of England, I don’t care. I know what I want. I said exactly what I wanted. I want you.”
The words hung, heavy in the silence of the room. She’d admitted it. That she wanted him. That she wanted to sleep with him. Something about the admission made her feel stronger. Made her feel like her armor was back in place.
“The thing is,” he said, his voice a growl, “I don’t want you. You are a child to me. I look at you and I see a girl. I do not see a woman.”
His words didn’t hurt as badly as they might have, not with her armor on. Not when she could see, so easily, that he was lashing out because of pain in him. Not because of her. “I’m twenty-three. I am not a child.”
The anger in his eyes dissipated, and he just looked tired. “I...I have not had time to adjust to the new plan.”
Just then she found it hard to be mad at him, in spite of the cutting edge to his words. “And the plan is everything, right?” A new thing she’d learned about him in the past twenty-four hours.
“Yes, Leah, the plan is damn well everything,” he said, each syllable rough and hard. “How do you navigate life without one?”
“Follow your heart. Your passions...”
“Passion,” he spat, as though the word tasted terrible on his tongue, “is the single most destructive element in life I can think of.”
“You don’t feel passion?”
“I deny it.”
“Not even for Rachel?”
He shook his head, dark eyes blank. “For nothing. For no one.”
“I thought you loved her.”
“What does that have to do with passion?” he asked.
“Everything.”
He shook his head. “That’s where you’re wrong, Leah. Passion is all about self. All about pleasing yourself. And that path...that path can get very dark.”
And then Ajax turned and walked out of the room, and the last bit of fantasy and mist that had hung before her eyes evaporated.
There was nothing more than cold reality and the realization that the man she’d thought she’d known for most of her life was nothing more than a stranger.
CHAPTER FOUR
AJAX NEEDED A new plan. All things considered, the plan wasn’t as derailed as it seemed at first. He was still married to a Holt heiress, and he still possessed Holt Enterprises. He had a wife, albeit not the wife he’d wanted, but from that wife he would still get the children he needed to continue on his legacy. A legacy he had reason to feel proud of. In theory.
As for Rachel...his feelings for her were not essential to the plan. Love, however nice it had been as an idea, was not essential to the plan.
As far as the sex went...it had been Rachel in his mind for so long, it was hard to transfer the desire to Leah. Leah, who was ten years his junior. Leah, who had so much softness in her. At least, she’d had it in her. Back when they used to talk, she’d been so open. She’d connected with him on a level that was so different from anyone else. But in terms of wanting her? That could wait. Until he’d got used to the idea at least.
