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“I made a mistake.”
“I know you broke my sister’s heart. I can’t forgive that, Jax.”
“I don’t want absolution from you,” he growled. “I want my wife back.”
“I had to walk away from you for my own reasons. Partly because I wouldn’t simply be married to a man who saw me as a convenience. If Leah wants more than that, if she wants love, let her go. Let her have it.”
“I love her,” he said, his voice rough, his body shaking.
“You...you do?”
“More than anything. Please. I need to talk to her. In person. I have a lot of...groveling to do.”
There was a long pause. “Okay, Jax. I’ll help you.”
* * *
There had always been something comforting about the Holt Estate in Rhodes. From the moment he’d first set foot on the estate as an emotionally battered boy, it had felt right. Now, when Ajax walked up to the door, he realized what it was. It felt like home. It felt like home in a way nothing else ever had.
Strange that he could connect it now. And it seemed obvious, too.
As did his feelings for Leah.
No, there were no answers in the bottom of a bottle of alcohol. There was just the headache from hell. But after that, when the pain in his chest hadn’t lessened, when things had only got worse, he’d realized it was too late to protect himself.
And that he didn’t want to anymore.
He only hoped that Leah really was here. That Rachel had been telling the truth and Joseph Holt wasn’t waiting for him on the other side of the door with violence in mind.
When the door opened, he expected to see a maid. Instead, it was Leah, her mouth dropped open, her eyes round, her skin pale.
She started to close the door, and he put his foot in the way. “No. Leah, please.”
“My father isn’t here right now,” she said.
“That’s not why I’m here.”
“Then my sister isn’t here, either.”
“I don’t give a damn about where your sister is, and you know it.”
She opened the door slowly. “Then what are you doing here?”
“I think the real question should be, why wasn’t I here a week ago? Or maybe even, why wasn’t I here to say this a year ago? Why wasn’t it our wedding from the beginning?” He put his hand on her cheek. “Why didn’t I see that it was always you?”
“Because...because...”
“Or maybe I did see. I think I did. I think every time you left me candy, I knew. Every time I listened to you talk about your dreams, I knew. But you were too much for me. For where I was at. So I ran. I made sure it wasn’t you. Because I knew you would ask too much of me. I knew you would demand too much. I was right. You have. You have asked everything of me, and you’ve left me with no more defenses. You are right, you’re second to no one, Leah Holt.”
“You read my rant in the paper,” she said, her voice choked.
“I did. And every word was true. You are not defined by me, by who you are in relation to your sister. You are beautiful. Like no one else. Like nothing else. You’re so beautiful it’s like staring into the sun. It burns through me. It shines a light in my soul. I wanted to hide from the light, because I knew it would expose me. Because I knew...it would show who I was, and if it did...how could you not turn away? How could anyone not turn away?”
All the years he hadn’t felt, all the years he hadn’t wanted, crashed in on him now. Threatened to pull him under. He was overwhelmed. By everything. By how much he loved the woman in front of him, by how much he wanted to make it all right.
“Leah, before you I was in chains. I was trapped in a prison I locked myself in so I could be safe. But a prison is still a prison, no matter whether or not you’re there by choice. You set me free. You made me realize that all of the stuff on the other side, everything that could hurt was worth it, because the good outweighs it. What good is living life with no pain if I can’t feel your arms around me ever again? What good is staying safe if I can never kiss you? What good is anything if I don’t have your love?”
“Ajax...you...you said you didn’t love me.”
“Because I am everything you said. I’m a coward. But not anymore. I’m free of it. Of the fear. There’s no room for it. There’s just love. It’s all that matters. You’re all that matters.”
“Ajax.” She threw her arms around him, buried her face in his neck, tears leaving wetness on his skin.
