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I was saved from whatever punishment Remy would think was fair when his phone rang from his pocket. He swore and I took it as my cue to run for cover. Waving at them, I said a quick goodbye and ran to the guest house. I’d probably already shared too much, anyway. It was time for me to hide away and shut my mouth.
40.
***Boone***
Ishovedmyhandsin my pockets and stared at the front door of the guest house. It was late, but her lights were still on. If I could just get over my hangup and go inside, I could see her. It wasn’t easy, though. I was thinking of turning around and going back to my own bed when I saw movement through the window in the door. Memphis walked into the kitchen with a book in her hands, reading even as she walked. Her T-shirt stopped at the top of her thighs and her legs were bare, except for a pair of fuzzy socks on her feet.
With her bare face and messy hair, I knew I wasn’t leaving without getting closer. I wanted that image of her, so natural and beautiful, in my head forever.
My blood pressure was probably sky high and my hands shook, but I still managed to knock on the door. Inside, Memphis jumped and clutched the book to her chest. When she saw it was me, though, her face brightened and she hurried to unlock the door.
“Boone! Hi.” She smiled up at me as she leaned against the door. “You came over. You never come over.”
“Can I come in?”
She blushed and stepped aside. “I’m sorry. Of course, you can come in. It’s your house.”
Just over the threshold, I stopped and looked around. The space was a lot smaller than I remembered. It was more weathered, too. In my head, it was perfectly polished. “You need something bigger and nicer than this.”
Memphis reacted like I’d physically struck her. “No!”
Frowning down at her, I searched her face for any sign of bullshit. “Why not?”
She held her hands out and gestured around the house like she was showing me the Taj Mahal. “Look at this place, Boone. It’s beautiful and perfect. I’ve never lived anywhere that felt more like me.”
I looked at the house again and felt a headache forming. “I hate this place.”
Memphis gripped my arm and cupped my face with her other hand. “You came for a reason. Do you want to sit while I get you something to drink?”
I picked her up and carried her over to the old couch, figuring it’d kill my back when I sank into it. Surprisingly, it didn’t. It wrapped around me like a fucking cloud and even smelled sweet, like Memphis. With her straddling my hips, it almost felt good enough to make me consider getting one just like it.
Memphis sat back with her ass resting on my thighs and watched me. “You’re upset.”
I gritted my teeth, frustrated with myself. I was being stupid. It was just a house. Memphis was just another woman. Even thinking it made me feel like shit, though, because I knew she wasn’t just another woman. No one had ever captured me like she had so easily.
“Boone?”
I rolled my neck back and forth and gripped her thighs. If I was going to talk about my feelings, I was going to do it while touching her as much as I wanted. “This house was our mom’s. Her pet project, I guess.”
She took my hand and pressed a kiss to my palm. “No wonder you don’t come here.”
“It’s complicated.” I held my breath as she pressed her lips to each of my fingertips. “Like I said earlier, it’s just…complicated.”
Memphis pressed my hand to her chest and held it there, between her breasts. Her heartbeat was strong and the steadiness of it calmed me. “You don’t have to talk about it. If you’re not ready to unravel the knots, that’s okay.”
“It’s fucking pathetic, Memphis. This anger I feel towards her. Shedidabandon us and I’ve waited most of my fucking life for it to feel different, but it never has. Seeing this place, it’s like stepping into who she was. I feel like a child, still angry at his mommy, but everywhere I look in here, I wonder if there’s another secret waiting. You think you know someone and then you find out they had this entire other part of them, this other life. I mean, it’s fucked up.”
Her heart beat harder against my palm. “Have you ever given yourself the space and grace to feel all of that? Instead of insulting yourself for hurting, maybe you should just let it happen.”
I dropped my head back against the couch and closed my eyes to the waves of emotion attacking me. “I can’t.”
Instead of pushing me, Memphis moved my hands and curled into my chest. She shoved her arms between my back and the couch to hold me. Her warmth soothed some of the pain, and when she pressed a soft kiss to my chest, I felt the rest of the tension seep out of me. “That’s okay, then. I’ll just hold you until it feels okay enough to pretend again.”
I wanted to argue, to deny that I pretended about anything, but as the words lingered in the air, I felt just how true they were. I spent a few minutes breathing, focusing on packing everything away again. “I’mholdingyou. Not the other way around.”
She sighed into my chest. “Uh huh.”
I grabbed a throw from the back of the couch without thinking about what it was, whose it was, and pulled it over her. “Why are you still awake, by the way?”
