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“Don’t look so down, Memphis. You and the baby are healthy and this is just a bump in the road. You’ll be back home tomorrow and be getting spoiled by the guys.” He released my hand and stepped back. “I have to get home, but you have my number. Call me if you need anything, Memphis.”
I nodded. He was almost out of the room when I called out to him, needing one more thing. “The baby. Boy or girl?”
He grinned back at me. “The Hawke family is getting a little more feminine blood, thank goodness.”
A girl. I was carrying their daughter inside me, growing her and feeling her little flutter kicks. The first daughter in a family of so many men. She was going to be smothered in love and overprotected until she wanted to scream, probably.
A sob had just managed to break past my control when the door opened again. I wiped my eyes quickly and looked up, hoping that I was going to find the guys standing there, angry but willing to forgive me.
Jake saw the crestfallen expression on my face as he walked in and swore. “I’m sorry, Memphis. It’s just me.”
I bit my lip and nodded jerkily, the motion making me nauseous. “It’s never just you, Jake. I’m glad to see you.”
“Don’t be sweet right now. You’ve been through a lot tonight and you deserve the night off. It’s okay if you’re not happy to see me.” He leaned against my bed and sighed. “I know I’m not who you want to see right now.”
I gripped his arm and let out a frustrated laugh as another sob escaped. “I am happy to see you. And I don’t think what I want matters anymore, Jake. Not after tonight.”
“It matters. I’m sure this will blow over, Memphis.” The tone of his voice said otherwise. He sounded as hopeless as I felt. “Right now, you just focus on feeling better.”
The door opened again and when I looked up, I saw it was Remy. My heart raced instantly and the sound of the monitor beeping next to me went into double speed. Remy was there. Maybe he’d listen to me and forgive me. A small ray of hope was all I needed to cling to.
The look on his face was flat, as unemotional as I’d ever seen him. He looked at Jake and held out his hand when the other man started to leave the room. “This won’t take long. Stay.”
His words crushed that little ray of hope. My breath came faster as anxiety made my body tingle with awareness. Danger approached, but no one told my body that it wasn’t the physical kind. While it braced for impact, my poor dumb heart plopped to the floor like a water balloon, bursting on impact.
“I just wanted to update you on your brothers.” He stayed as far away from me as possible. “Jackson is already being taken to a rehab that he won’t be able to check himself out of. Unless he’s medically cleared, he’ll stay there.”
I should’ve been relieved. I should’ve felt anything other than crushing depression. Jackson hadn’t been arrested. They’d taken care of him for me.
“We let Knox know what happened. He’s up to date and if you don’t call him tomorrow, he knows why.”
Confusion chipped at the edge of the darkness consuming me, but I couldn’t think of anything else until I knew for sure that they were done with me. “And you? Are you okay? And Boone? Wells?”
He met my eyes with a coldness I’d never seen from him. Instead of saying anything, he shook his head like he couldn’t believe I’d even ask. His disgust with me was almost palpable.
I shied away from his anger. I made myself as small as possible and wiped away the stubborn tears that wouldn’t stop. “I’m—”
He was already gone, my apology meeting empty space where he’d just been. I lost it then, sobbing into my hands like I never had before. They were gone. I’d lost them before I got to tell them I loved them. Jake tried to comfort me the best he could and when it was clear that I was just going to cry the whole night through, he made me scoot over and crawled into my hospital bed with me. He held me against his chest and stroked my hair while talking to me about anything and everything. It was his comfort and the gentle drone of his voice that let me sleep finally.
57.
***Memphis***
ItseemedlikeI’dcried all the tears I could by the time I was discharged the next day. There was a gaping, vast hole in my chest and the pain was indescribable, but at least I wasn’t crying. I was wheeled out of the hospital by a nurse who left me sitting in the wheelchair because there was no one to pick me up and I had nowhere to go. I sat in the midday sun in two-day-old clothing with a killer headache and no idea what I was going to do. I had less money than when I’d arrived in Chicago and what I had wouldn’t buy my bus ticket back to Georgia.
I stared down at my baby and put my hand over it, protecting the little girl who grew inside. I couldn’t be homeless. I had to think of something, anything.
“Smoke?” A small man had come out of nowhere and stood beside me. He looked me over and frowned as he waited for my answer.
I stammered as I shook my head. “No, thanks. I don’t smoke.”
“I’m not offering, lady. I’m asking if you’ve got one.” He scowled at me. “That necklace real?”
I looked down and saw that I was still wearing everything I’d worn on the plane, which included the jewelry Remy had insisted on buying me when we went shopping the night before. I touched the delicate chain and felt the diamond charm move across my skin. “Probably not.”
He leaned closer. “Looks real to me. Just like those shoes you’re wearing.”
I knew what was coming. Inner city, country, suburbs, wherever. The language of robbery was universal. I covered my stomach with both arms as he reached towards me. It was over in less than five seconds, with the only damage done to me being a slight stinging on my neck from where the chain had dug into my skin before snapping and an awkward tickle on my feet when he yanked off the shoes.
