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“Look at us. Only passion causes this much feeling,” he said. “We have passion between us. I knew we’d always end up together. We deserve each other.” He reached over and tried to pull me into a hug.
I cringed and moved as far away as I could manage in the seat. “Don’t touch me.”
Declan frowned. “You’re acting dramatic. Trying to drag this out. You’re alright. You don’t look bad. I said I’m sorry. Just give me a few minutes before you head back. Please, Lily? We still got things to talk about, right?”
My face throbbed in pain.Yeah my video and photos. My memories.“I can only stay a few minutes.”
“Hmm, yeah right.” Declan sat back and gave me a steely stare. “Go in Parco’s and get yourself together. I’ll order a salad and soup for you.”
I quickly exited his car and headed into Parco’s. Once through the door, I kept my eyes on the beige parquet flooring and made a beeline for the bathroom that was around the small island counter in the back. When I stood before the small porcelain sink, and looked into the small mirror, I shook.What did I do that set him off?
“Horseplay,” I muttered.
My mind journeyed back to the first time I heard those words from him.
2:38 a.m. I knew the time as I was staring at the black and grey clock on the side table in Declan’s apartment in Chelsea. I reached my hand back to feel the opposite side of the bed. Cool to the touch.
Where’s Dec? I grouched as I threw the sheets off and stumbled to the door. I wiped my eyes and reached out for the handle, jerking it open. The sound of snoring filtered across my ears. He was on the couch. I stomped down the hall to his small living room and found him stretched out on his leather couch. Still dressed in the jeans and shirt he had on when he left for a short visit a few hours ago. The stench of alcohol permeated his pores, causing bile to rise in my throat. He had promised he wouldn’t drink. I pursed my lips as I reached out and pushed hard against his shoulder. “Dec. You’re drunk again,” I announced the obvious. His lids fluttered open on the third pass.
“Oh for fuck sake. Go to bed, Lily,” he said, closing his eyes again.
“No,” I yelled. “I’m going back to Boston.” I turned and slowly started moving towards his bedroom.
“Wait,” he called out.
I picked up my pace and jogged back to the bedroom. I could hear Dec on my heels as I ran inside and grabbed my trolley bag.
“Lily. Stop,” Dec said. He reached over and tugged on my bag.
“No. I’m leaving,” I said, snatching the bag out of his grip. He grabbed the bag and we tugged between us. I let go and he stumbled back, hitting the back of his dresser and shaking all the bottles lined on top of it. His face scrunched. I stopped, wondering if he was hurt. He gripped my bag and twisted it, breaking the seal and threw it on the floor.
“What the hell are you doing? You ass—” Dec grabbed my shoulders and shook me. “Let go,” I yelled. He didn’t answer. Just stared as his hands gripped tighter.
“Stop,” I shouted, feeling somewhat frightened.
He shoved me hard and I fell backwards, my head connecting with the corner of his oak dresser. “Oww.” I cried out, my hands moving to soothe the pain on my head.
“Shit. Lily,” Dec said. “Let me see.” He bent down.
I inched away, my eyes widening and my mouth dropping open. “Stay away from me. You….” I stared at him in disbelief. I couldn’t say the words. Dec had hit me.
“No. We were both horseplaying, and you hit that by accident.” He started crying. “I didn’t hit you. I love you. Please don’t leave me,” his voice was so small. I reached out and wrapped my arms around his neck to comfort him. Horseplaying.
It wasn’t horseplay that time or this time.But I was too scared. Too stupid, I scolded myself. He didn’t hurt me again for almost a year after that. And I stayed because I didn’t want to leave him alone. He needed me and I needed him. But not anymore. I needed to go.
Oh. how I wanted to go! But what about my photos and videos? The last days with my parents. The last records of those moments of us together as a family. My eyes misted as a vice clamped around my heart. The last video. My father insisting on creating it and I had no idea that would be the last recording of our time together as a family. Thinking of that video made me feel like a little girl longing for her mommy and daddy. I wanted to see and experience our time as a family again where we loved and cherished each other. The time before I was alone. An orphan with no one. That last kiss, that last hug. Surely I had gone through too much to just walk away empty handed. I had to get myself together and go back out there and get Declan to give the videos and photos to me.
I swallowed hard.Heaven knows what my father would think of me right now. Averting my reflection in the mirror, I washed the wound and pulled my hair down and styled it, but wasn’t able to cover the swelling or the bruise. I searched my handbag and cursed myself, realizing I didn’t have any makeup to cover it. I tried applying a cold-water compress to it and sighed. I had no more time and I needed to get through the rest of lunch and leave the deli. I pulled out three pain pills and cupped water in my hand to take them, then walked out of the bathroom.
I walked back to the front of Parco’s. Declan waved me over to the plastic table where he was seated. He held up a salad in a plastic container.
“You were in there long enough,” Declan joked as he bit into his sandwich.
I plastered a smile as I uncovered the salad container.He forgot the soup?I wouldn’t ask. I sipped the cup of water on the table. “How much was my salad?”
He rolled his eyes at me. “I invited you to lunch. It’s my treat.”
“Thanks.” I started eating the salad as Declan talked about his work, friends, and travel. Interjecting at all places appropriate as I tried to stop the churning of my stomach.
