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Melissa barred her teeth in what I supposed could be thought of as a smile. “Alright. I’m right outside.”
She moved away from the door. Jonas also started moving away, only to turn at the gap.
“You can stay here,” he said with authority.
I shook my head. “I’m leaving.” I could tell from his facial expression that he was conflicted. “I’ll be fine. Go.”
He winked at me and turned away. I hunched my shoulders. Ian stepped up next to him outside in the hall. He looked past Jonas to me, and our eyes connected. All he needed to know was there. My skin flamed and I adjusted my dress.
Ian eyed Jonas coolly. “We’ll talk later.”
“Looking forward to it,” Jonas said, strolling off with Melissa at his side without a backward glance.
I buried my face in my hands. Did he have sex with me out of rivalry or because he cared for me? If he cared, he wouldn’t have been so adamant on re-establishing the boundaries of his companionship agreement. The sound of the door clicking closed stopped my thoughts cold. Ian was there, but I wasn’t ready to face him. What was the etiquette for having sex with your ex on a date? This was a low, beyond anything I had thought possible of me.
“I’m sorry. I….”
“I don’t blame you,” Ian said. “I blame Jonas.”
The couch dipped next to me.
“You should blame me. I didn’t consider your feelings. I… We….”
I didn’t know what to say.
Ian lightly tilted my head towards his and our eyes met. What I found on his face wasn’t malice, which was a relief. But there was something else there that perplexed me. The look held an intimacy that we hadn’t experienced together. My mind offered up numerous reasons he might have that look, but none I wanted to comprehend this evening. All I wanted was to be away from the gala and to be by myself to think.
My bottom lip quivered. “I’d like to go home, please.”
Ian tucked my hair behind my ears. “Yes. I think that’s for the best.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
‡
The darkness ofthe night covered my guilt-ridden face. I sat static for the ride back to Jersey City. My borrowed dress, now stained and tucked close to my body, was low on my list of worries, though Natasha wouldn’t think so. My thoughts were as blurry as the traffic speeding past the windows, but I was not so far gone that I didn’t feel Ian staring at me. Ever the gentleman, he had insisted on seeing me home. He was honoring my silence, too, and that made it worse.
I knew Ian liked me, and that hadn’t stopped me. No matter how I tried to pacify my conscience by telling myself I had attended this event with Ian as a friend; we were on a date—a fact even Jonas pointed out to me, but I had chosen to ignore. I behaved awful to a man that hadn’t shown me anything but support and kindness.
When it came to Jonas, all reason left me. Being with him intimately felt right in my heart. I was without a doubt in love with him, but Jonas didn’t feel the same way about me. He wanted me surely, but as a friend with benefits. He sexually reclaimed me after seeing me with Ian. The more my mind went over this line of thought, the more I believed he’d taken advantage of me by being intimate with me, knowing my heart was at stake.
I gave in because I wanted him. My eyes stung in this realization. Ian reached over and clasped my hand. I looked at him, finding empathy and understanding reflected back at me.
He went even further by saying, “Your feelings are what I’m upset with Jonas about, not you having sex with him. You care deeply for him. You may even be in love with him. I know this, but he chooses not to see.”
I let out a sob and Ian moved over in his seat and put his arm around me as I cried. I cried for Ian too. He was a good man and I had hurt him. Something was definitely wrong with me. He just whispered soothing words and stroked my back all the way back to Jersey City.
The car stopped moving and the door was ajar when Ian held out his hand to help me climb out.
My conscience attacked me again. Averting my eyes as I stepped onto the sidewalk, I said, “I apologize for behaving inappropriately as your date for this event. But I also want to apologize for causing problems between you and Jonas.”
“We’ll recover,” Ian said as he walked me to the door of my building. “I’m more worried about you.” He faced me. “I wasn’t lying when I said what you did tonight didn’t upset me. You’re in love with Jonas—”
“I don’t know… I don’t know what to say,” I said and rubbed my arms.
He smiled wistfully. “Okay. You don’t deny it.”
I couldn’t. Not anymore.
