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I climbed out and she came down the stairs, her lush mouth agape, but she quickly recovered and jutted her pointy chin. No sign of distress, as I suspected. She bounded down to us, her arms wide. I closed the distance and gave her a hug.
“Good lord, Lily. Are you eating?” she griped.
I hugged her back. “Plenty.”
We broke away and she held her hand out to Jonas, who took it with one of his winning smiles that worked one out of her, too.
“Mr. Jonas Crane,” Mary said. “Nice to meet you. Would you care to come in for some homemade pizza?”
“Nice to meet you, Mary. I wish I could, but I will have to decline. I need to get back to New York,” Jonas said.
She looked between us, and slowly nodded.
“Okay. I’ll just take your bags, Lily, and look through them for the papers. Nice to meet you too, Jonas,” Mary said, walking over to David to collect my bags.
When she moved back up to the house, I turned back to Jonas. My heart constricted at the troubled look on his face.
“I’m still here. I’ll always be here for you. Call me and let me know how you are and I’ll do the same,” Jonas said.
I gave a quick nod, not necessarily trusting my voice, and sucked in air.
“Would you give me a smile I can take with me?” he asked, his eyes watery.
I swallowed hard and smiled through the tears stinging my eyes again. He wiped my cheeks. The thought of never seeing him again weighed heavily on me, and I felt sure this might be my only chance to tell him my feelings.
“I love you, Jonas.”
My voice sang out, and hung in the air. I squeezed him tight, then ran up to the house, not stopping to look behind me.
CHAPTER TEN
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Iclosed thedoor behind me and rested my back against it. I longed to settle my heart, which was trying to escape my ribcage. I told Jonas Crane that I loved him, after he told me he was letting me go. Pain seared my chest at the thought of being let go right when I was ready to compromise. Jonas said he didn’t want to hurt me, but it was too late. I was crushed.
My conscience decided to berate me for my cowardice in running off after telling him. But what would I have faced if I remained? He had ended things between us, so all he had to offer was not saying he loved me back. That, and a dose of pity, neither of which my heart was ready to face.
Therefore, I decided my telling him was an act of bravery. Or so I assured myself as I turned to peek through the small row of glass windows running the length of the doorframe, looking to see if the car was still there.No. It was gone and so was Jonas. Tears stung my eyes as I crumbled to the floor. Once again, I was heartbroken. Once again, I wasn’t enough for the man I loved.
“Oh, Lily.” Mary was suddenly in front of me, sinking down on the floor next to me. “What did your gorgeous businessman do? You both looked like lost puppies.”
My sob turned into a laugh, but began crying again. This prompted her to quickly dash for tissues to help mop me up. When I really gave myself to crying, it wasn’t pretty. I was a blotchy-faced, nose-running, mouth-dripping nightmare. With this amount of crying, Mary understood the cause. She recalled a similar collapse when she came to visit me after Declan had dumped me. So she waited there patiently for me to empty myself out, offering sympathetic words and a few pats and rubs on my back. Once I had passed the hiccupping stage, I was ready to share my woes with her. Never mind that I was technically here to help withherproblems.
I really was self-absorbed. Before my mind could take over the self-loathing tape, I launched into a brief synopsis of my romantic life.
Jonas broke-up with me, though we weren’t really seeing each other,” I said hoarsely. “He had an epiphany that came to him after we had mind blowing sex yesterday, he decided that I had become too attached to him, and he wasn’t ready for more. He took me to visit his mother in the nursing home, which was just heartbreaking. Then….”
I gulped in air. Mary let me collect myself again and I continued. “He gave me the ‘I don’t want to stand in the way of your happiness’ speech,” I said, surprising myself at how far into bitterness I had reached. But with Mary’s “you go girl” scowl on her face, I went further into that space. “He won’t stand in the way, just so long as my happiness isn’t derived from dating his friend Ian, who I kissed last night on our date at a gala event.”
Mary looked befuddled and I realized I was rambling now, so I decided to skip our conversation to the bottom line. “I got too clingy, just as you warned me. I went against our agreement and fell in love with him. I couldn’t help myself. When I’m with him, it’s the most intense connection I have ever experienced. It’s intimate, romantic. He’s demanding, but so loving. I love him. I just told him so….”
I was back to lovey-dovey, and that got me an empathic look from Mary.
“I said those things to you because he’s only the second guy you’ve ever been with. You spent such a short period of time together, and he told you upfront he wanted a casual, sexual friendship. I just… I wasn’t sure you would ever be up for that. And I think you knew that all along, as well,” Mary said bluntly.
My mouth opened and closed. I didn’t want to argue. That was Mary, no nonsense when she decided there were logical conclusions available to offer insight into a situation. Perhaps I needed a dose of reality.
She stood up and offered her hand. I clasped it and she tugged me to my feet.
