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Number unrecognized.
“Not Jonas,” I mumbled. “Hello?”
“Hello, is this Ms. Lily Salomé?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“I’m Diane Langston of Langston, Harrison, and Fitzpatrick. Ian sent me your information to follow up on a possible criminal and civil filing against Declan Gilroy. Now, he was arrested a few days—”
“Arrested?” My jaw unhinged. “Oh, my God. I didn’t think. Uhm….” I looked over at Mary and saw her brows rise questioningly. I waved my hand and walked towards the front door, as I tried to settle the jolt to my heart. “I didn’t agree to that.”
“It’s a police matter and part of procedure. I’m sure you were aware of that, though it usually doesn’t happen this quickly. But then again, you had Ian Unger’s assistance. Now, as for the civil case matter—”
“I don’t want to sue him. I really just want this all to go away.” I lowered my voice. “I want to put this behind me. I’m sorry, but I’m not available to discuss this right now.”
“Well, when will you be? I can make an appointment for you next week.”
I could hear the sound of her shuffling papers around, as well as Mary walking up behind me.
“I’ll call you back. Okay?” I said quickly.
“Okay.”
She drew out that last word before ending the call.
I knew Mary had heard enough and wasn’t going to drop this. I had run out of time. Putting my phone back in my pocket, I met Mary’s questioning stare. My mind conjured up memories of our lengthy friendship. She had always been a good friend to me, and what had I done but keep secrets from her? I rubbed my souring stomach.
“I got a restraining order against Declan. He… beat me.”
The shock and dismay on her face made me want to turn away, but she deserved the whole truth.
“He had been hurting me physically, off and on, for the past two years. You already know how snarky he could be from the times you met him, but that was the least of his cruelty. He said things that hurt me so much.” My voice went monotone. “You know I hadn’t seen him for months, but I met with him over lunch, and he hit me. Declan promised he would get help this time. But he didn’t. Instead, he showed up at my job and scared me. Dani found out, and she and Ian helped me to get a restraining order so he would leave me alone.”
Mary did a great impression of a fish out of water for a few minutes. I stood, holding my waist, and waited.
“That fucking asshole hit you! I knew he was a scumbag, but I didn’t realize… How could I not know? How could this happen?” Mary’s anger boiled over. She shoved over a stack of books before turning back to me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
The hurt look on her face was more than I could take, and I dropped my head. She pulled me into crushing hug as she broke down in tears. The guilt, shame, and sorrow over hurting her had me crying again, too.
“I’m sorry, Mary,” I hiccupped. “I loved him. I didn’t want to give up on him. You know what a hard life he had. He was abused and abandoned. I thought he needed love and family. I wanted to give him all that,” I tried to explain as I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I forced myself to meet the devastated look on her face. “You hated him so much, I was afraid you would think less of me for staying. I… I wanted it to be my decision to leave him. But, well, he ended up leaving me. I’m sorry,” I sobbed.
“I’m sorry too, Lily,” Mary said, wiping her eyes and picking up her discarded glasses. “I didn’t realize I made you afraid to tell me the truth. You’re right. I would have worked to my last breath to make that prick suffer and forbidden you to speak to him.” Her eyes widened. “I mean, if your dad and mom knew….”
Mary knew how close I had been with my parents. Seeing their disappointment reflected in her eyes ripped apart my heart.
“If they knew,” she continued, “you kept this from them. They would have been devastated. This would have broken their hearts. How could you keep that from them, from us? We are supposed to be your family.”
She covered her mouth.
Her words broke me. The self-hatred filling me was unlike anything I had ever felt before. Bile rose up in my throat and I took off for her bathroom. Barely making it, I threw up violently into the toilet, which was surprisingly relieving. I continued dry heaving over the basin until my throat was raw and my stomach muscles ached too much to continue. Part of me wished I was back in New York and alone. I had known it would be hard to tell her; however, thinking of how much I would have hurt my parents was almost more pain than I could bear. They would have discovered how weak I am, not the brave daughter they brought up.
I did what worked for all of us.I soothed myself with my reasons as I took deep breaths to gain more control of myself. Once I settled in myself, I flushed and cleaned the toilet, rinsing my mouth and splashing water on my face.
“You okay, Lily?” Mary asked, pushing the door open. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put that on you. You had a lot to deal with back then. You were in your first relationship. You were in love. I mean, you planned to marry that asswipe,” she said, clenching her fists.
I took a deep breath. “I can only say I’m sorry, Mare. Yes. I lied to you all and I’m sorry… I did what I thought was right… I’m not perfect.”
“None of us are,” Mary said. “I’m only upset because I didn’t know, and I didn’t help you. I’ve been a terrible friend.”
