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“Come on, Nadia, I can’t hear you,” Dad called back.
I tried to clear the block in my throat and sang out for him, “On the bedpost overnight.”
Will this transplant work? Will Dad be all better? I didn’t know what better was anymore.
Mom was being his rock, as he needed her to be, and I wanted to be the same. But all I could see was an endless void in our lives without him.
My head pounded, and my eyes grew wet. I let my hair fall in my face before slipping my fingers up to wipe my tears.
“I want to hear Nadia sing,” Dad said.
I cleared my throat. “Any request?”
“Eternal Flame,” Mom said. The Bangles’ “Eternal Flame” was their wedding song. They met in grade school and grew up together. Dad said he never wanted anyone else; Mom’s the love of his life. Theirs was an eternal love.
I closed my eyes and put all my love for them into my voice, and I added a bit of my own yearning for the same.I want so much to be loved.
“Oh, my god. That was so beautiful, Nadia,” Mom gushed proudly.
“Thank you, Princess.” Dad’s voice sounded graveled.
I squeezed his shoulder. “Love you.”
I sat back, took out my phone, and all I wanted to do was talk to Paul about it. Somehow he always made everything seem okay. But could I do that now?I can’t.It would give him the wrong impression, and he’d think I want to stay in his arrangement. But I felt so alone. More blocks passed and more of that desperate loneliness grew.Just one message. That’s all.
My hands shook nervously, and my pulse sped up as I typed out the message to Paul.
Nadia:: Dad’s going for the transplant.
Paul: I’ll be there.
The text came immediately. Paul was willing to drop wherever he was doing to come to my side. Had he gone to St. Barts? Would he really come after I had pushed him away? I had to keep reminding myself that we weren’t together.Besides, Mom would freak.
Nadia: No, thank you. Mom’s here. I just wanted to tell you because I don’t know.
Paul: You do. You told me because you know I care about you. Please let me come to you.
I’d imagine he’d hold me all day if I needed him to. But that was the odd part about him; he was willing to give me support but wouldn’t let me give him the same.
My phone vibrated again.
“Nadia,” Mom scolded. She gave me thedon’t talk to himlook in the rearview mirror.
“Tell Paul you expect a floating castle at the wedding,” Dad teased.
Mom scoffed.
“Mom, it was a joke.”
“Looks like Paul’s lost a fan, Nadia.”
“I’m silencing my phone, okay?”
Mom went back to driving, and I waited for five agonizing blocks before I checked what he had sent.
Paul: I miss you, baby.
My heart ached.
