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“Love,” I said and cleared my throat. “He will never love me.”
“Come on, Nadia. What’s love got to do with it?”
“If you can’t be a friend, I’m hanging up.”
“So you’ll dump me too because you can’t get your way? You’ve been with Paul Crane for half a minute, and you think you deserve the ring. Get out of here with that.”
“Okay, maybe you’re right. I don’t deserve the ring, but I still care for him. How can I stay with a man who doesn’t want me as nothing more than a sexual accessory? Should I accept just being a sugar baby, even if I have feelings for him?”
“A relationship is an agreement between two people, however it’s defined. This is your first relationship, Nadia, and you need to slow the hell down.”
Xander being in Paul’s corner had me thinking something else was up.
“What did Paul do for you?”
He sighed. “Paul connected me with branding and marketing investors. But he did this well before you decided to leave him.”
Paul had managed to work his way into our friendship.
“He bought you too, so now you want me to stay, even if it’s bad for me,” I chided.
“Would you just listen to yourself for a minute? I didn’tchoosehim, Nadia. He was your man, and I’m your friend. You brought him into our lives, no one else.”
I sighed and didn’t say anything. He had a point.
“And as your friend, I’m giving you the same advice, even if Paul didn’t help me. If you had been together for years and you were still hanging on, you’d have a reason to leave. You’re pushing Paul away because you don’t like how you feel being his kept woman. And don’t hate me for saying it, you expect him to leave you at some point. You expect everyone to leave you, so you’d rather sabotage a relationship at the very beginning than ride it out because it terrifies you. Sorry, but that’s the truth.”
My heart jumped into my throat, and I trembled hard.Do I do that?
“Nadia, you did it to me too, but I pushed back. I refused to let go and I’m not going anywhere now. I love you and I’m trying to help you.”
“But you don’t understand what it’s like with him.” My voice was small.Paul treats me like I’m special, but he doesn’t want me to feel for him? It’s impossible.“What do you expect me to do? Pine after him forever?”
“No. I hope that you’ll stay with him. He’s good to you and helps your family. You have nothing to return to but being poor and desperate with no life prospects. If it’s not him, you’ll end up trying to find another and probably end up sabotaging that too for the very same reason.”
“You’re a real asshole sometimes.” But my conscience told me that he wasn’t wrong.
“I love you, and you know I care enough to call you out when you’re wrong. This is real life, and you’re with a real man, not a fairytale character. Think about your situation objectively.”
“It seems you have. I’ve got to go—”
“Nadia, don’t hang up mad—”
“I just can’t talk to you right now.”
I ended the call and cursed. Was I wrong? Had I expected too much?
My phone buzzed with a notification.
Xander: I forgive you because you’re upset and have a lot on your plate. But think about all your struggles. No money, bargain bin diving for scraps to use for designing. Your life is going upward, Nadia, and we both know you seriously don’t want to go back to all that. You’re so talented and you’ve got an opportunity most would kill for. I saw you happy with him, and that means something. Don’t throw it all away. Please think about it, Okay?
Xander was right about some of it, but he didn’t understand because he didn’t know Paul or how intimate our relationship was, even though it had been a short time.
Xander wasn’t an option. Sure, he’d let me stay with him, but he’d spend every minute telling me how I had thrown away my life. What I needed was some time to make a new plan. My only hope was that Paul would still talk to me, even if he wasn’t part of my life anymore. But could I handle a friendship without wanting him?
When I went back inside, Mom and I chatted lightly about daytime television while we waited for the news on Dad’s surgery. Then we both took stretches outside. When I returned from one of them, Mom was speaking with a doctor.
I rushed over to where they stood. “How is Dad?”
