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I supposed it didn’t really matter. I couldn’t say history was repeating itself … not really. But either way, the baby had been conceived by unrequited love.
My life had gone full circle.
I gripped the sheets tight to control the bottomless sorrow that hollowed me and turned to face away from Paul. The pain was acute, raw, and mine alone. There was no coming back from this. Paul would feel duped…again.
“Since Paul is your enduring guardian, he approved your treatment for the bleeding. I recommend seeing your regular doctor to follow up when you return to New York City…now I have a few additional questions.” She gentled her tone. “We weren’t sure if you were drugged, and we saw no evidence of assault, but if you have been, we can process a rape kit?”
“I..I wasn’t drugged or raped. Isabelle lied about her birthday and boat rental. She blocked Ben from boarding, and Landon locked me in a room with Trevor, who threatened to sexually assault me. I begged them both for a doctor because I was in pain and sick, but they wouldn’t help. Trevor told Landon to get rid of me. I locked myself in the bathroom.” I blurted out everything I remembered for Paul, not the doctor. I needed him to hear my side of the story.
Paul let go of my hand and threw his chair across the room crashing it against the wall. “I will fucking kill them.”
“Mr. Crane, you need to calm down, please. Nadia, you’ll need to repeat what happened to the police. I’ll give them twenty minutes and then I want you to rest.”
She left, and silence fell between us. I had so much to say to Paul.
I swallowed. “I’m sorry about missing some of the pills. The pregnancy tests I took told me I wasn’t. I-I didn’t know I was pregnant. I was scared and unsure of what to do—”
“Because you were scared of me,” he interrupted; his jaw ticked.
“No. I wasn’t scared of you.” But even to my ears it sounded like a lie.
“I know I’m right, and I tried to warn you, life with me is never safe, but you refused to follow my warning.” He paced. “The public is dangerous for someone like me. Even in the sheltered life I made for you, I still couldn’t protect you. I was a fucking fool bringing you into this madness.”
I closed my eyes.This is all my fault. I pushed him for a public relationship and now he’s regretting it. He never wanted another relationship. He never wanted a baby with me. He never loved me back.I’d rather be alone than watch him walk away from me.I had to shut my feelings down. Or I’d never be able to go on. “Thank you for helping me. I’ll be okay. You can leave. I understand—”
“Understand? Damn it, I don’t understand how you could believe I’m a bastard. That I’d leave after we lost our baby,” he snapped.
“Our baby….” I repeated. My heart pounded, and I turned my head toward him. His hair was tousled, and his shoulders slumped. He came closer to me, and I gasped. His eyes were bloodshot. Paul Crane, the strong man who I loved, had cried.I’ve hurt him deeply.
My pulse increased and my mouth went dry. “You’re upset I lost the baby?”
His brows pulled together. “And you’re surprised that I am?” He snorted. “I’m furious that you’re hurt, Nadia. That I failed my child. Now, tell me the truth. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I reeled from all Paul shared with me and I wanted to stop his pain. However, Paul deserved an answer and I had to tell him what was in my heart.It was his baby too.
“I didn’t tell you because you said you wanted a baby by yourself, and I didn’t want you to take my baby away. I didn’t want my child to feel abandoned…like me. When I thought I might be pregnant there were moments when I was happy. Moments that I loved the possibility we had a baby—”
“And you kept that from me,” he gritted.
“I’m sorry, Paul. You always had my love.” I wiped my cheeks. “But I never had yours. My love is simply not enough for you.”
“Nadia, that’s bullshit—”
“Excuse me? Is this a good time?”A female officer spoke loudly over us, announcing she had entered the room with Gunnar.Shit.What did they hear?
“Please give Nadia a few moments,” Paul directed and pulled the curtain, to give us both a chance to collect ourselves.
“Do you want to do this later?” he asked politely.
I wasn’t sure if he meant our talk, but I told him.
“No. I’ll do it now.”
His nostrils flared, and he tunneled his hands through his hair and sighed deeply before pulling the curtain back and walking over to the window.
The female officer took out a recorder along with a notepad to write down everything that happened to me from the moment I left Isabelle’s place in the West Village to Paul’s appearance in the bathroom on Landon’s yacht.
Gunnar and the officer repeatedly asked me for the times I requested medical assistance. Paul also provided a statement about the text I sent him, which supported that I was left in the bathroom to bleed without help for hours.
