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“It is when you have none. Don’t do it.”
“Too late. You can take the portfolio back.”
“Not a chance in hell.”
“Fine. I’ll donate it to charity. But there is something you can do for me. Can you send me everything on my birth mom?”
“That’s not a good idea, Nadia.”
Gunnar knows something. Maybe Paul does too, and he tried to protect me again. Nevertheless, the moon cookie story of Mom leaving me in the bakery no longer sustained me. It was a fantasy conjured by a child that needed security. I no longer wanted to be protected from the truth. “Do it anyway, please?”
“Since you said please. Goodbye, Nadia.”
I hung up the phone, and the weight on my spirit lifted. I smiled and went to the guest bedroom to lie on the bed, watching the sunset through the open blinds. Returning everything Paul gave me took little effort. What remained was the love I had for him. Even though he left, my love for him hadn’t gone away. It lived in every breath.
My love gave me the strength to stay there and wait because there was no running away anymore. Paul needed to know that no matter what, I’m not running from him.He needs to know he didn’t need money to make me love him. I’ll stay even when he was at his lowest, I am here for him.
Early the next morning, the bedroom door opened.
I didn’t move, but I knew it was Paul. My heart thudded hard in my chest as he silently came to the side of the bed where I could fully see him.
He was as gorgeous as ever, dressed in a flawless black suit. When our eyes met, his bore in with an intensity that caused wild energy to fill my veins, he always had that effect on me. But that feeling came with a desperate longing for him.
“Even after waiting for you, it’s hard to see you,” I spoke softly.
Paul lowered his head, and Adam’s apple bobbed. “I deserve that and so much more.” His voice lost steam, and my chest tightened with dread. Silence fell between us.
He cleared his throat. “I returned the money and set up a trust—”
“I don’t want your money, Paul—”
“You got it anyway and will need my and Gunnar’s permission to return it or give it away. This is yours separate from your Dad. His treatment will continue. Nadia…I’m sorry. I’m a weak man. I failed you and our child.” His voice trembled.
I sat up, shook my head. “That’s not true. We didn’t even know I was pregnant. Miscarriages happen beyond our control. Doctor Foster told me so.” My voice was hoarse, without strength, just as solemn as his.
He touched my hand, and life returned to it instantly; an electrical spark charged through his touch. “It could be your life next time, just like Aubrey, and I know I won’t recover from that.”
“Then why…why are you here now?” I stuttered.
“So you’ll know my reason for letting go right now isn’t because I don’t love you. I do.”
“You…you love me, Paul?” I whispered and coughed back the sob in my throat. “Say it…say it once. I need to hear the words. I need to know you loved me too.”
“I love you, Nadia. I wasn’t supposed to love you, but I do.”
Even in his profession of love, there was something I never expected to find from this charismatic man that had taken over my heart. Defeat.
“Please, please don’t leave me….” I cried and buried my face in my hands.
My voice was as small as it had been as a child, pleading for Nora to not abandon me. However, my little heart knew that she packed all her things. She slammed the door in my face—no goodbyes, cuddles, or kisses. She never wanted to see me again.
Paul wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. “You will always have me, baby.” he whispered.
But would he have me?Paul wasn’t the only one who had changed. I had as well. After spending so much of my life avoiding relationships and even the possibility of children, I realized I wanted to marry and have a child one day. I wanted to be loved, and not being loved back was no longer an option for me. I was worth loving.I’m enough.
I let go and lay facing away from him; that was his chance to leave, just like Nora had done. Even though it scared me, I waited because I love him, and I’d have to move forward.
To my surprise, Paul stretched out behind me. His arm hesitated on my side, but I pulled it to rest on my stomach. A soft sob erupted from his throat.
