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“Paul won’t let me get close to him. He wouldn’t introduce me to his close friends or family or let me see how he really lives. I felt separate, like in a gilded cage…I did meet a few members of his family at his late wife’s dedication by accident. His dad, Jonas, spent time with me and was kind. But his mom…she called it disgusting—”
“You’re not disgusting. How dare she speak to my daughter like that?! Her son is the disgusting one. And we took his money.” Mom’s face pinked and she inhaled sharply pressing her hand to her chest. “Ohh, Nadia. I’m so sorry.” Her voice was full of anguish.
“Wait, Mom. You don’t understand. His mom called ourarrangementdisgusting. Paul explained—”
“I don’t care for his explanations,” she said hotly and held up her hand for me to stop speaking. “She knew you were involved, so she did talk down to you. Her son is the disgusting one. You were desperate for money, and he took advantage of your situation. She’ll hear from me, and I’ll tell her pompous ass where she can go—”
“But Mom, I agreed to take his money and gifts.” I sniffled.
“Not anymore, Nadia. Do you hear me? You do not take another dime from that man. Our burden is not yours to bear.”
“That’s not what I meant—”
“If I knew what that man was doing.” She snorted and shook her head rapidly, her voice rising. “You’re my daughter, and I know you. You’re a good girl and have no business being coerced into an arrangement withthatman.”
“Mom, I wasn’t coerced—”
“You came home because you knew what you were doing wasn’t right. You went to New York to become a fashion designer, not his sex slave. I’m sorry we can’t afford to help you out more, but things will get better now that Dad’s getting a transplant. Maybe when he recovers, we’ll open a home baking business.”
“That’s just more stress. How would you get a loan for that?”
Mom jutted her chin. “Don’t worry about us. We made it this far, and we’ll make it again. You don’t need Paul Crane. You left, and I’m proud of you for it. Now you can date like other college students. Meet a gentleman who will treat you like a lady, not be with you just for…sex. Oh, this is so horrible for you. I feel like I failed to prepare you for avoiding manipulative men.”
“The arrangement with Paul wasn’t all bad. Seriously, I’m fine.”
“I’m not going to try to convince you, so don’t try to convince me,” her voice graveled. She covered her mouth and waved her hand to let me know she couldn’t speak. I had told her too much, or maybe just not enough of the good. But how could I convince her that I enjoyed most of the things I did with Paul? On the other hand, Mom hadn’t said anything I hadn’t thought of myself. I wanted him to give us a chance at something more.
She cupped my face. “Listen to me. You are beautiful, talented, funny, creative, loving, and sweet. You deserve the best and deserve to be treated respectfully. Never let anyone think otherwise. And to think, my coworkers are all green with envy because you’re ‘dating’ Paul Crane. If only they knew what a horrible man he really is.” She snorted.
“Come on, Mom. Paul has done a lot for us, and you can’t tell anyone. You said no judgements. This is judging him.”
“I did say that, but this is slightly different. He bribed us, and I signed my rights away. I thought it was for privacy, but now I see it was for him to hurt my daughter.”
Mom was no longer listening, and I wish I’d held back so she’d know that being with Paul was…amazing. He treated me like I was precious.
Sure, some of the things he had me do would make me blush forever. But aside from sex, he supported my work and my art. Things weren’t always so formal, either. He wanted to hear from me, and I could call him any time, and he’d listen to the most mundane things. He had a dry wit and was so patient. He ate and loved my food when I cooked for him.He saved me from being attacked at the sugar baby mixer.It was like we were in our own world, lost in each other. Our relationship felt like we were together.But he pays you, my conscience reminded me.
The firm scowl on my mom’s jaw let me know that she was still working through everything in her mind.She’ll end up blaming herself.
Sure enough, the next thing she said was, “It’s my fault. If only I hadn’t asked for money—”
“No, Mom. I chose to be with Paul. I…I like him.” I may very well love him.I averted my eyes.
“Oh, and you were a virgin, too,” she said miserably.
“I’m twenty-two, Mom. Come on.” I closed my eyes.Jeez.“I met Justus Black in Paris,” I blurted out, throwing the only Hail Mary pass I could think of to stop Mom’s advancement on her new crusade on Paul. But then I turned and saw her face.
Her shock quickly turned to worry, and I hated myself for putting more on her mind.I’ve only made it worse.
“He sang at the birthday party and came up to Paul and me. It was nothing, really.” I kept my tone light.
Her brows pulled together. “Did he say anything to you?”
I shook my head. “Not really. He was mostly interested in working with Paul. But I do look like him…Paul told me he has information on Nora, but I told him I’m not interested.”
“You may change your mind, and that’s fine, Nadia. It’s your right to know.” She hunched her shoulders. “You stopped asking when you were ten, and I just didn’t think about it anymore.”
I grimaced. “They never gave a damn about me. I don’t want to know them.”
